1 00:00:09,444 --> 00:00:10,511 Aw... 2 00:00:11,467 --> 00:00:12,302 Ooh. 3 00:00:19,318 --> 00:00:20,888 Disgusting... 4 00:00:21,027 --> 00:00:22,020 or wonderful? 5 00:00:26,435 --> 00:00:27,011 Hey. 6 00:00:27,130 --> 00:00:28,612 Morning, roomie. 7 00:00:28,878 --> 00:00:31,532 So... tell me about last night. 8 00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:32,783 What about it? 9 00:00:32,907 --> 00:00:35,077 I heard a girl's voice coming from your bedroom. 10 00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:37,955 Oh. Uh... yeah, I don't really want to talk aut that. 11 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:39,987 - Come on, stud. - Shh! 12 00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:41,854 Ooh, is she still here? 13 00:00:43,046 --> 00:00:45,420 Somebody's really taking to the bachelor life. 14 00:00:49,267 --> 00:00:49,982 Yeah. 15 00:00:51,498 --> 00:00:52,928 Good morning, Joey. 16 00:00:53,147 --> 00:00:54,617 You spent the night in his room? 17 00:00:54,697 --> 00:00:56,515 Please tell me she didn't sleep in your bed. 18 00:00:56,607 --> 00:00:58,308 I slept on the floor. Don't worry. 19 00:00:58,402 --> 00:01:01,019 Not everyone wants to kill their daddy and marry their mommy like you. 20 00:01:01,121 --> 00:01:03,146 That was one drawing I did. 21 00:01:04,499 --> 00:01:05,691 What are you doing here? 22 00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:08,439 Well, at 2:00 in the morning, I realized michael didn't have his white noise machine, 23 00:01:08,538 --> 00:01:09,653 so I brought it over. 24 00:01:09,719 --> 00:01:11,989 He can't sleep without his sounds of the jungle. 25 00:01:12,143 --> 00:01:15,200 That's why I dreamt I was being attacked by monkeys. 26 00:01:16,856 --> 00:01:17,703 Wait a minute. 27 00:01:17,823 --> 00:01:19,730 If Joey didn't let you in, how did you get in last night, mom? 28 00:01:20,147 --> 00:01:22,194 - I let myself in. - You have a key? 29 00:01:22,432 --> 00:01:24,293 Yes, I made one for emergencies. 30 00:01:24,598 --> 00:01:27,546 When you turned down that hit show, it was a very dark time for you. 31 00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:28,964 I thought you might do something drastic. 32 00:01:29,151 --> 00:01:31,508 - I wasn't gonna kill myself. - Really? 33 00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:32,926 You didn't even think about it? 34 00:01:34,348 --> 00:01:36,555 Mom, maybe you shouldn't have a key. 35 00:01:36,712 --> 00:01:39,653 I mean, the whole reason for this move was so that I could have some independence. 36 00:01:39,772 --> 00:01:43,145 Yeah, and I don't know how comfortable I am with you just coming over whenever you want. 37 00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:45,334 - I mean, what if I have a girl over? - Yeah, what if I have one? 38 00:01:45,414 --> 00:01:47,441 Will you stop being silly, we're trying to have a conversation. 39 00:01:49,660 --> 00:01:52,988 Fine. If it's such a big deal, you can have the stupid key back. 40 00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:57,701 That was too easy. You have another one. 41 00:01:58,510 --> 00:02:00,454 Good job, Nancy Drew. 42 00:02:01,772 --> 00:02:02,456 Here. 43 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,205 How many more do you have? 44 00:02:05,244 --> 00:02:07,002 We can do this all day. 45 00:02:45,724 --> 00:02:47,668 - Hey, Alex. - Hey. 46 00:02:47,706 --> 00:02:49,628 Look at you all dressed for work. 47 00:02:49,792 --> 00:02:51,463 You know I played a lawyer once. 48 00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:52,923 "I object." 49 00:02:52,978 --> 00:02:54,216 "No further questions." 50 00:02:54,389 --> 00:02:57,344 "How can this be a jury of his peers when five of the jurors are androids?" 51 00:02:59,125 --> 00:03:02,516 - So, the movie's in the future? - No, no, this was, like, three years ago. 52 00:03:03,872 --> 00:03:04,726 Oh, my. 53 00:03:05,820 --> 00:03:07,290 Say, I hate to bother you with this, 54 00:03:07,349 --> 00:03:09,833 but my husband's out of town, and normally I would ask him, 55 00:03:09,912 --> 00:03:11,984 but what do you think looks better with this? 56 00:03:12,038 --> 00:03:14,111 Hair down or hair up? 57 00:03:14,899 --> 00:03:15,694 Definitely up. 58 00:03:15,823 --> 00:03:19,533 Yeah, your hair is nice, but I like it better back so that I can see your face. 59 00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:21,159 Oh... 60 00:03:21,670 --> 00:03:22,961 Yeah, I played a husband once, too. 61 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,914 - Okay, thanks. See ya. - Okay, right. 62 00:03:26,947 --> 00:03:29,459 Oh, my God. Another one of these. 63 00:03:29,570 --> 00:03:30,377 What? 64 00:03:30,853 --> 00:03:32,504 A note from the super. 65 00:03:32,582 --> 00:03:35,132 "No unsanctioned grills allowed. 66 00:03:35,251 --> 00:03:37,259 Please remove your grill from the patio." 67 00:03:37,507 --> 00:03:39,803 I can't believe this. How am I supposed to make a hamburger? 68 00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:41,805 Well, you could use a frying pan. 69 00:03:41,941 --> 00:03:43,682 Oh, don't.. just don't. 70 00:03:45,852 --> 00:03:47,064 Does everybody get these notes? 71 00:03:47,183 --> 00:03:49,563 Yeah, yeah, the super's kind of a hard-ass. 72 00:03:49,839 --> 00:03:51,945 - Oh. Do you get a lot of notes? - Me? No. 73 00:03:52,005 --> 00:03:54,693 But I don't do anything wrong. I'm kind of a good girl. 74 00:03:55,333 --> 00:03:57,946 I wonder if Mr. Alex would tell me the same thing. 75 00:04:00,691 --> 00:04:03,243 Maybe I wait a few days before making sex jokes with you. 76 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:06,330 - Yeah. And maybe don't even do it then. - Good. 77 00:04:10,989 --> 00:04:13,962 Gina... I haven't seen you in minutes. 78 00:04:15,536 --> 00:04:18,091 Don't worry, I'm just about to leave. I'm not gonna bother you. 79 00:04:18,436 --> 00:04:20,886 Michael! Your snack is ready! 80 00:04:21,565 --> 00:04:24,097 In a minute! I'm in the middle of something! 81 00:04:24,263 --> 00:04:26,266 Well, hurry up, I gotta get going! 82 00:04:26,327 --> 00:04:28,435 I'm so glad I moved out here! 83 00:04:33,342 --> 00:04:35,651 Here's your snack, baby. I gotta get back to the salon. 84 00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:39,321 Oh, an hour and a half under the hair dryer. I hope someone's not dead. 85 00:04:42,603 --> 00:04:45,452 Can you believe her? She's here all the time. 86 00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:47,579 Yeah, well, she loves you. 87 00:04:47,641 --> 00:04:49,706 Yeah, but it doesn't even feel like I moved out. 88 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,501 I thought living with you, we'd have this crazy single life. 89 00:04:52,602 --> 00:04:56,630 You know, the two of us out, meeting girls. I mean, I know how you are with women. 90 00:04:56,780 --> 00:04:57,548 You do? 91 00:04:58,513 --> 00:05:00,361 Sure, it's the first memory I have of you. 92 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,845 We came to New York for this big family party. 93 00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,263 All the girl cousins flock to you. 94 00:05:04,401 --> 00:05:06,181 I know nothing would have happened with them. 95 00:05:06,259 --> 00:05:08,267 No, not even once, before I knew that was wrong. 96 00:05:11,341 --> 00:05:12,980 I guess I just thought if I lived with you, 97 00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:14,857 then I'd have a chance to learn a few things. 98 00:05:15,467 --> 00:05:17,355 - Aw... - What? 99 00:05:17,673 --> 00:05:19,987 That's really sweet. You want to learn stuff from your uncle. 100 00:05:20,404 --> 00:05:21,572 Well, yeah. 101 00:05:21,807 --> 00:05:23,448 That's new for me, you know. 102 00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:24,985 I've never been the one to teach someone something. 103 00:05:25,065 --> 00:05:26,336 I was always the one who... 104 00:05:28,056 --> 00:05:29,872 No, never learned anything either. 105 00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:34,168 - So, are you up to it? - Yeah, yeah, absolutely. 106 00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:37,462 You came to the right guy. I have so much knowledge to give. 107 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:40,716 You don't really have a dad around and I don't have any sons. 108 00:05:43,057 --> 00:05:45,345 So, we can go to a bar tomorrow night. 109 00:05:45,514 --> 00:05:47,764 Cool. I've never done that before. 110 00:05:47,865 --> 00:05:49,043 You'll have a blast. 111 00:05:49,123 --> 00:05:51,393 I remember the first time I went out to a bar and hit on girls. 112 00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:53,604 - Were you my age? - Close to it. 113 00:05:53,696 --> 00:05:55,522 - What, like 18? - 11. 114 00:06:03,620 --> 00:06:05,490 Oh, I feel so lonely. 115 00:06:07,332 --> 00:06:08,869 Well, hello, handsome. 116 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,335 - Joey. - Hey, how was school? 117 00:06:16,752 --> 00:06:19,338 Great. How was... what you do? 118 00:06:21,959 --> 00:06:24,343 For your information, I had a really big audition today. 119 00:06:24,463 --> 00:06:25,969 Oh, yeah? How'd it go? 120 00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:27,888 I don't know. I got lost. 121 00:06:29,510 --> 00:06:31,040 You got some more notes from the super. 122 00:06:32,053 --> 00:06:34,102 Man, this guy will not leave me alone. 123 00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,439 "Wet towels cannot be left in the courtyard." 124 00:06:37,552 --> 00:06:38,942 Yeah, they can, I did it. 125 00:06:40,194 --> 00:06:43,237 "Underwear is not appropriate hot tub attire." 126 00:06:43,539 --> 00:06:44,334 Why not? 127 00:06:44,433 --> 00:06:46,782 Uh, maybe because when it's wet, it's see-through. 128 00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:50,160 Hey, how 'bout that? 129 00:06:52,664 --> 00:06:53,896 - Hey. - Hey. 130 00:06:54,096 --> 00:06:55,999 Hey, I know that you were upset about your grill, 131 00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:58,323 so I made you a list of places around that make good burgers, 132 00:06:58,442 --> 00:07:00,337 and also a couple of my favorite restaurants. 133 00:07:00,382 --> 00:07:01,797 And there's your pee-pee. 134 00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:08,519 This is great. Hey, thanks for doing this. 135 00:07:08,599 --> 00:07:10,327 Say, Alex, have you met my nephew, Michael? 136 00:07:10,467 --> 00:07:11,976 Not officially, no. 137 00:07:12,056 --> 00:07:13,350 It's nice to meet you, Michael. 138 00:07:13,454 --> 00:07:15,727 Golly. Yeah. Uh, hi. Wow. 139 00:07:17,941 --> 00:07:19,815 That's... clammy. 140 00:07:23,887 --> 00:07:26,154 Why don't save some of that magic for tonight? 141 00:07:29,470 --> 00:07:30,701 You know know any of these places? 142 00:07:31,359 --> 00:07:32,703 Um... 143 00:07:33,805 --> 00:07:35,789 - This is weird. - What? 144 00:07:36,803 --> 00:07:40,294 The handwriting on this list looks a lot like the handwriting on the notes from the super. 145 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,009 Check it out. It's the same. 146 00:07:42,049 --> 00:07:43,505 You know what that means? 147 00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:46,258 Alex and the super had the same handwriting teacher! 148 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,304 Uh, or... 149 00:07:50,812 --> 00:07:52,598 Uh... Alex is the super. 150 00:07:52,699 --> 00:07:56,682 - Or... Alex and the super have a secret... - No, no, you had it. 151 00:07:56,801 --> 00:07:57,616 Right. 152 00:07:58,967 --> 00:08:00,397 Wait a second. Wait a second. 153 00:08:00,767 --> 00:08:04,125 If Alex is the super, that means she lied to me. 154 00:08:04,581 --> 00:08:05,694 That sucks. 155 00:08:08,681 --> 00:08:10,199 The same handwriting teacher. 156 00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:15,954 "Uh, golly. Hi. Gee. Wow." 157 00:08:23,465 --> 00:08:24,630 Okay. 158 00:08:24,856 --> 00:08:26,965 God, it took you forever to get ready. 159 00:08:27,820 --> 00:08:28,842 Just like an hour and a half. 160 00:08:29,021 --> 00:08:30,802 Usually takes Mom, like, two hours. 161 00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:32,471 That is because she is a woman. 162 00:08:33,086 --> 00:08:34,765 Something which you are not. 163 00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:37,768 Well, you look really nice. 164 00:08:37,933 --> 00:08:40,103 I am also not a woman. We don't do that. 165 00:08:42,235 --> 00:08:44,191 But thanks! Okay, come on, let's go. 166 00:08:44,319 --> 00:08:46,151 Great, let me just make sure I've got everything. 167 00:08:46,445 --> 00:08:48,862 I've got some money, I got my fake ID... 168 00:08:48,928 --> 00:08:50,697 - Ah... - Yeah, these are cool. 169 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:52,014 Some guys at Cal Tech made these. 170 00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:53,827 They're impossible to tell apart from the real thing. 171 00:08:53,926 --> 00:08:56,203 But I did have a little fun with it. Check out the name. 172 00:08:56,959 --> 00:08:59,206 - Nils Bohr? - The famous physicist. 173 00:08:59,266 --> 00:09:01,250 - He developed the... - No, thanks. Nope. 174 00:09:02,796 --> 00:09:04,962 Look, uh, Michael, as your teacher, 175 00:09:05,084 --> 00:09:08,048 I feel like we should talk a little bit about your rap. 176 00:09:08,337 --> 00:09:11,927 Now we have to take your greatest weakness, 177 00:09:12,132 --> 00:09:13,428 your intelligence, 178 00:09:13,946 --> 00:09:15,495 and turn that into a strength. 179 00:09:15,595 --> 00:09:18,141 Now, what kind of stuff are you smart about? 180 00:09:18,631 --> 00:09:20,975 - Uh, I know physics. - No. Next. 181 00:09:21,055 --> 00:09:23,220 - Uh, I enjoy cubing. - What's cubing? 182 00:09:23,292 --> 00:09:26,153 That's when people share different strategies to solve Rubik's cubes. 183 00:09:26,272 --> 00:09:26,670 Next. 184 00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:30,202 - Also speed cubing... - Next. 185 00:09:31,692 --> 00:09:33,991 Uh, I'm pretty knowledgeable about astronomy. 186 00:09:35,123 --> 00:09:37,160 - That's, like, stars? - Right. 187 00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:38,745 Yeah, okay. That could work. 188 00:09:38,821 --> 00:09:41,582 Yeah, yeah, okay. You take a girl outside, 189 00:09:41,832 --> 00:09:44,562 you show her the stars, very romantic. 190 00:09:44,642 --> 00:09:48,547 Maybe it getrs a little chilly, you slip your arm around her. 191 00:09:48,706 --> 00:09:51,383 You're starting to feel like another teacher I had. 192 00:09:51,446 --> 00:09:52,968 - He got fired. - All right. 193 00:09:54,653 --> 00:09:55,825 - Are you ready? - Yes. 194 00:09:55,865 --> 00:09:56,819 - Let's go. - All right. 195 00:09:57,608 --> 00:09:59,099 Hey, guys, it's me. 196 00:09:59,743 --> 00:10:02,352 What are we going to do? She's going to want to come with us. 197 00:10:02,728 --> 00:10:04,479 Pretend we're not here. 198 00:10:05,134 --> 00:10:05,849 Hey. 199 00:10:08,078 --> 00:10:09,667 Don't make me use my key. 200 00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:14,907 - Hey. - Hey. 201 00:10:15,007 --> 00:10:17,826 Look at you two all dressed up. 202 00:10:18,463 --> 00:10:20,621 - Where are we going? - Uh... nowhere. 203 00:10:20,695 --> 00:10:23,238 - Nowhere. We're just hanging out. - Just a quiet night at home, Ma. 204 00:10:23,417 --> 00:10:24,828 Well, I know you're going out, Michael. 205 00:10:24,907 --> 00:10:26,251 You got your shoulder pads on. 206 00:10:29,207 --> 00:10:31,006 You're not a woman from the '80s. 207 00:10:33,484 --> 00:10:35,470 So, what's going on? 208 00:10:35,616 --> 00:10:38,222 Well, we were going to go to this bar down the street. 209 00:10:38,743 --> 00:10:40,474 Sounds like fun. I'm in. 210 00:10:40,612 --> 00:10:44,937 Uh... yeah, I don't know I'm not sure you should come, Mom. 211 00:10:45,075 --> 00:10:47,689 We were maybe thinking of, you know... 212 00:10:47,732 --> 00:10:49,066 talking to some girls. 213 00:10:49,238 --> 00:10:50,589 Then you definitely want me there. 214 00:10:50,689 --> 00:10:52,159 I happen to be a great wing man. 215 00:10:52,338 --> 00:10:54,086 Remember when I hooked you up with Cousin Marie? 216 00:10:54,185 --> 00:10:54,960 Yeah, thanks a lot. 217 00:10:55,049 --> 00:10:57,074 You know how many Hail Marys I had to say for that? 218 00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:02,337 Come on, let's go. 219 00:11:02,516 --> 00:11:04,957 This is gonna be fun, the three of us out together. 220 00:11:05,035 --> 00:11:08,710 You know, I really think it might be better for the two of us to do this alone. 221 00:11:11,322 --> 00:11:12,038 Oh. 222 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,450 Okay. I understand. 223 00:11:14,668 --> 00:11:17,089 No, well, just for tonight. We can all do something tomorrow. 224 00:11:17,169 --> 00:11:18,122 Yeah. 225 00:11:19,056 --> 00:11:20,864 No, that's fine, really. 226 00:11:20,944 --> 00:11:23,069 I mean, if you want it to be just the two of you, 227 00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:24,182 then I think you should do that. 228 00:11:24,321 --> 00:11:25,136 Mom... 229 00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:31,942 I feel terrible. 230 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:33,527 I know, I know. 231 00:11:33,630 --> 00:11:35,946 You know, I forget how sensitive she can be. 232 00:11:42,045 --> 00:11:43,495 And classy. 233 00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:56,466 All right, great. I'll give you a call. 234 00:11:58,679 --> 00:12:02,055 - And that is how it's done. - Wow. 235 00:12:02,531 --> 00:12:04,391 You got her number. That girl was gorgeous 236 00:12:04,683 --> 00:12:06,685 She lives in Long Beach. Where's that? 237 00:12:06,806 --> 00:12:08,718 Uh, you take the 10 to the 4, 5, 7, 10 238 00:12:08,797 --> 00:12:10,731 Sorry, Betty, it's not to be. 239 00:12:12,015 --> 00:12:14,610 So how do the girls from L.A. compare to the girls from New York? 240 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:17,112 Well, it's a little early and I don't want to jinx it, but... 241 00:12:17,144 --> 00:12:18,322 they may be trashier. 242 00:12:20,062 --> 00:12:21,575 All right, first thing you want to do 243 00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:23,211 is find someone you're attracted to, right? 244 00:12:23,250 --> 00:12:24,453 You see anyone you like ? 245 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,289 The lady bartender is certainly attractive. 246 00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,082 Oh, good eye. Good eye. 247 00:12:29,145 --> 00:12:29,900 No chance. 248 00:12:31,163 --> 00:12:33,308 No. Bartenders get hit on constantly, 249 00:12:33,407 --> 00:12:35,172 so there's a very high level of difficulty. 250 00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:37,862 You might want to start with that sorority girl over there 251 00:12:37,922 --> 00:12:39,927 whose friends are carrying her to the bathroom. 252 00:12:41,281 --> 00:12:43,972 Ah, I don't think so. She doesn't look very smart. 253 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:47,267 Oh, no. Maybe you won't co-author a book together. 254 00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:50,067 That girl. 255 00:12:50,663 --> 00:12:52,481 She looks, uh, interesting. 256 00:12:52,748 --> 00:12:54,608 Great, okay. Go talk to her. 257 00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:56,860 All right, here we go. 258 00:12:58,329 --> 00:12:59,620 You put them back in? 259 00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:01,949 Maybe someone here wants a woman from the '80s. 260 00:13:03,813 --> 00:13:06,515 Oh, sorry, we got an anonymous call that you're underage. 261 00:13:06,555 --> 00:13:08,025 I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. 262 00:13:08,105 --> 00:13:09,237 You got a call about me? 263 00:13:09,317 --> 00:13:11,204 Well, the woman said to look for the handsome genius 264 00:13:11,266 --> 00:13:13,961 accompanied by the Tony Danza-esq older gentleman. 265 00:13:16,655 --> 00:13:18,403 - Gina. - I can't believe this. 266 00:13:18,523 --> 00:13:20,072 Come on, let's go. 267 00:13:20,152 --> 00:13:21,510 I was just about to score. 268 00:13:23,824 --> 00:13:25,764 Hey, you really think I look like Tony Danza? 269 00:13:26,566 --> 00:13:28,600 Hey, good enough. Come on. 270 00:13:37,622 --> 00:13:40,988 Hey, guys! Are all the girls you picked up coming separately? 271 00:13:41,505 --> 00:13:42,990 I can't believe you. 272 00:13:43,319 --> 00:13:45,242 You called the bar? Why? 273 00:13:45,321 --> 00:13:47,307 Why? Because you shouldn't have been there. 274 00:13:47,367 --> 00:13:49,354 I never drank alcohol before I was 21. 275 00:13:53,370 --> 00:13:54,303 She's right. 276 00:13:54,919 --> 00:13:57,542 I just, I, uh, uh, I can't... 277 00:13:58,205 --> 00:13:58,701 Never mind. 278 00:13:58,761 --> 00:14:01,463 No, no, no, no, Michael. You're upset. You tell your mother how you feel. 279 00:14:01,582 --> 00:14:04,503 It's just... Okay. I wanted some time away from you, 280 00:14:04,641 --> 00:14:06,221 and I don't think that's too much to ask. 281 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:09,997 You ruined my night, Mom, and Joey's, and that's selfish. 282 00:14:10,056 --> 00:14:11,924 Good, good. You're getting it out. What else? What else? 283 00:14:12,043 --> 00:14:14,313 I hate that you made me take flute lessons. 284 00:14:16,187 --> 00:14:17,856 We're going a little wide now. 285 00:14:17,955 --> 00:14:19,151 Let's bring it back. 286 00:14:20,121 --> 00:14:22,779 I just, I can't believe you couldn't give me one night on my own. 287 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:27,691 Look, I'm sorry, 288 00:14:27,830 --> 00:14:29,077 but you have to understand, 289 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,796 you abandoning me is my worst nightmare. 290 00:14:31,875 --> 00:14:33,874 Then you haven't had my monkey dream. 291 00:14:39,244 --> 00:14:42,462 I was afraid when you moved out you wouldn't want me to be a part of your life anymore. 292 00:14:42,542 --> 00:14:45,244 And it'd just be the two of you going out, having fun without me. 293 00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:46,637 And now that's what's happening. 294 00:14:46,725 --> 00:14:48,222 Hey, Gina. Come on, now. 295 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,224 Well, I just don't understand why I can't come, too. 296 00:14:50,476 --> 00:14:51,767 Aren't I a fun mom? 297 00:14:51,946 --> 00:14:54,986 Didn't I buy a case of beer for you and your friends on your 18th birthday, huh? 298 00:14:55,085 --> 00:14:56,852 Yeah. Then you drank it yourself. 299 00:14:58,123 --> 00:15:00,317 And heckled us while we played Trivial Pursuit. 300 00:15:01,929 --> 00:15:04,571 Come on. Just give me a chance. 301 00:15:04,810 --> 00:15:07,574 Let's try it one night. It-it'll be an experiment. 302 00:15:07,634 --> 00:15:09,641 Like that thing you put in the fridge that Joey ate. 303 00:15:09,820 --> 00:15:10,911 Delicious. 304 00:15:13,153 --> 00:15:14,524 Okay, I guess we can try it. 305 00:15:14,703 --> 00:15:16,333 Plus, I can help you with the women. 306 00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:19,127 Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, okay? 307 00:15:19,164 --> 00:15:20,714 I'm actually handling that, all right? 308 00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,422 I'm kind of his teacher in that area. 309 00:15:23,217 --> 00:15:25,133 Oh, that must be a pretty involved course. 310 00:15:25,371 --> 00:15:28,720 How you doing? How you doing? How you doing? 311 00:15:34,876 --> 00:15:36,854 Well, it worked on every one of your friends. 312 00:15:48,620 --> 00:15:50,367 - Hey. - Hey. 313 00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:53,453 I, uh, got another note from the super. 314 00:15:53,634 --> 00:15:54,955 What an idiot. 315 00:15:55,131 --> 00:15:57,416 Spelled "unacceptable" with two Cs. 316 00:15:59,235 --> 00:16:01,461 That's how you spell "unacceptable." 317 00:16:01,514 --> 00:16:03,255 Interesting that you'd know that. 318 00:16:05,421 --> 00:16:07,176 So, how are you? Doing well? 319 00:16:07,455 --> 00:16:08,468 Yeah, I'm fine. 320 00:16:08,506 --> 00:16:11,305 Really? Just fine? You're not great or, say... super? 321 00:16:13,278 --> 00:16:15,663 - All right, Joey, what's up? - I'll tell you what's up. 322 00:16:15,702 --> 00:16:18,027 Your game is over, okay? You can't fool me. 323 00:16:18,106 --> 00:16:20,439 I know you're the super. Or his handwriting teacher. 324 00:16:23,444 --> 00:16:25,736 The super? Where did you even get that? 325 00:16:25,808 --> 00:16:27,321 Okay, enough! If... 326 00:16:27,397 --> 00:16:29,698 If you don't admit you're the super right now, I'm gonna... 327 00:16:30,973 --> 00:16:32,721 I'm gonna break this chair! 328 00:16:32,761 --> 00:16:34,132 Okay, all right, fine. I'm the super. 329 00:16:34,211 --> 00:16:34,986 - Ah-hah! - Oh! 330 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,874 I'm really worked up right now. 331 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,669 Well, now you know. It's out in the open. 332 00:16:42,734 --> 00:16:44,171 So why did you lie in the first place?! 333 00:16:44,296 --> 00:16:46,340 I didn't lie. You never asked me directly, 334 00:16:46,507 --> 00:16:48,175 and I just didn't volunteer the information. 335 00:16:48,254 --> 00:16:50,697 okay, the lawyer logic isn't gonna work with me, all right? 336 00:16:50,697 --> 00:16:52,429 Or any other kind of logic, for that matter. 337 00:16:55,076 --> 00:16:57,559 Look, I-I didn't tell you I was the super 338 00:16:57,643 --> 00:16:59,520 because I thought we were getting along. Okay? 339 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:01,647 Well, it felt good because everybody 340 00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:03,524 in this building hates me and my stupid notes. 341 00:17:05,804 --> 00:17:07,319 They... They call me the notesy. 342 00:17:11,186 --> 00:17:12,574 It's not funny. 343 00:17:13,294 --> 00:17:15,744 And the crazy thing is, it's not even my job. 344 00:17:15,953 --> 00:17:16,870 It's my husband's job, 345 00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:18,580 but he's away a lot so I have to do it, 346 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,541 and if I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it well, 347 00:17:20,833 --> 00:17:23,836 so I guess you're just gonna have to go ahead and hate me like everybody else! 348 00:17:25,797 --> 00:17:26,839 Hey. 349 00:17:28,991 --> 00:17:30,384 I don't hate you. 350 00:17:31,944 --> 00:17:33,053 You don't? 351 00:17:33,914 --> 00:17:35,180 You should. 352 00:17:36,049 --> 00:17:38,433 I-I mean, I leave these annoying notes 353 00:17:38,546 --> 00:17:40,352 and I-I made you take away your grill. 354 00:17:40,533 --> 00:17:41,603 Yeah, but... 355 00:17:43,889 --> 00:17:45,858 Look, I don't know many people out here. 356 00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:48,652 Okay? I mean, I got my family, but they're kinda nuts. 357 00:17:50,058 --> 00:17:52,406 Okay? I could use someone normal, 358 00:17:52,781 --> 00:17:54,449 and you show a lot of promise. 359 00:17:56,050 --> 00:17:57,119 Really? 360 00:17:57,817 --> 00:17:59,288 That's so nice. 361 00:18:00,132 --> 00:18:02,499 I don't know what to say. I think I'm gonna cry. 362 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,960 You have got yourself some mood swings. 363 00:18:08,385 --> 00:18:09,798 So, uh... 364 00:18:09,897 --> 00:18:10,966 we're good? 365 00:18:11,410 --> 00:18:12,843 Yeah. Yeah, we're good. 366 00:18:15,543 --> 00:18:17,470 You want to give me another note, don't you? 367 00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,057 It's the last one, I promise. 368 00:18:22,005 --> 00:18:24,021 But I didn't... Oh, yes, I did. Yeah. 369 00:18:30,963 --> 00:18:33,697 This is gonna be great, Micheal. There are lots of cute girls here. 370 00:18:34,412 --> 00:18:36,617 Ooh, except for her. What a tramp. 371 00:18:36,834 --> 00:18:38,327 That's a mirror, Gina. 372 00:18:40,154 --> 00:18:41,747 I'm not talking about me. 373 00:18:44,385 --> 00:18:46,376 All right, Michael, first thing we gotta do 374 00:18:46,482 --> 00:18:48,045 is pick out some good prospects. 375 00:18:48,125 --> 00:18:49,463 Now, you're gonna want to play the numbers. 376 00:18:49,671 --> 00:18:50,415 What do you mean? 377 00:18:50,474 --> 00:18:54,635 Well, it's important to choose someone at the same level of hotness as yourself. 378 00:18:54,988 --> 00:18:58,597 You could go two points either way, but I-I wouldn't do much more than that. 379 00:18:58,699 --> 00:19:01,433 For example-- I'm a nine. Okay? 380 00:19:02,351 --> 00:19:08,482 So, I can hit on a seven or a hypothetical 11. Okay? 381 00:19:08,521 --> 00:19:12,069 Another option for me is a four and a five. Okay? 382 00:19:13,028 --> 00:19:14,530 Three threes. 383 00:19:14,676 --> 00:19:18,408 And... and I wouldn't this: nine ones. 384 00:19:19,645 --> 00:19:21,787 Okay, so, what number am I? 385 00:19:23,241 --> 00:19:24,540 - Six. - Six. 386 00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:27,876 Wow. Honest. Okay. 387 00:19:27,986 --> 00:19:28,682 Okay. All right. 388 00:19:28,761 --> 00:19:31,088 Why don't you start with that seven right over there? She looks nice. 389 00:19:31,246 --> 00:19:33,273 You can't just send him out. He doesn't even know what to say. 390 00:19:33,352 --> 00:19:34,441 No, no, no, we covered that. 391 00:19:34,523 --> 00:19:36,134 Remember, Michael? Talk about the stars. 392 00:19:36,226 --> 00:19:38,312 Oh, honey, if you're going to talk about the stars, 393 00:19:38,371 --> 00:19:40,013 I'm gonna have to downgrade you to a four. 394 00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:44,142 - You got a better idea? - Yes, I do. 395 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:45,978 Does this place have a mechanical bull? 396 00:19:46,258 --> 00:19:48,085 Women really like to see how a man moves. 397 00:19:48,185 --> 00:19:50,767 - All like... - Mom. - Sit down. 398 00:19:51,709 --> 00:19:53,485 All right, forget the stars, all right? 399 00:19:53,652 --> 00:19:55,320 On to Plan B-- the accidental bump. 400 00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,635 Oh, sorry, I... Oh, hi. 401 00:20:00,486 --> 00:20:01,618 Don't listen to him. 402 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:04,705 You know, I think it'll be easier if you sit here and I bring you girls. 403 00:20:04,982 --> 00:20:06,498 What do you like? Big chest? 404 00:20:07,666 --> 00:20:10,210 You know, I think I'm just gonna go up to the girl and start talking. 405 00:20:10,541 --> 00:20:12,523 Okay, just... make sure you're nice to her. 406 00:20:12,562 --> 00:20:13,814 Yeah, but not too nice. 407 00:20:13,953 --> 00:20:16,133 - Compliment her. - Ignore her. 408 00:20:16,270 --> 00:20:18,385 - Compliment her, then ignore her. - Yeah. 409 00:20:19,766 --> 00:20:20,799 Okay... 410 00:20:20,859 --> 00:20:23,515 - Make sure you ask her name. - And then call her a different name. 411 00:20:24,819 --> 00:20:27,144 - And make eye contact. - Yeah, but don't stare at her. 412 00:20:27,186 --> 00:20:30,063 - Want to seem interested. - But completely bored. 413 00:20:31,220 --> 00:20:33,584 - Just be yourself. - No, no! Pretend to be somebody else. 414 00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:36,778 Okay. All right. I think I'd like you to leave. 415 00:20:37,021 --> 00:20:38,197 - What? - Why? 416 00:20:38,232 --> 00:20:40,991 It's just a lot of advice. It's putting a lot of pressure on me 417 00:20:41,116 --> 00:20:43,035 and I think I'll just do better if I'm by myself. 418 00:20:44,469 --> 00:20:45,704 Oh.. Okay. 419 00:20:46,575 --> 00:20:47,623 Wow. 420 00:20:48,379 --> 00:20:50,292 I guess we'd better go. 421 00:20:52,628 --> 00:20:54,463 Damn it, that is me. 422 00:21:02,091 --> 00:21:03,889 I can't believe Michael's still not home yet. 423 00:21:04,394 --> 00:21:05,891 I know, it's taking a while. 424 00:21:05,992 --> 00:21:07,392 Do you think that means he scored? 425 00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:09,019 No. 426 00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:15,901 I really wanted to help him with this stuff, but it was hard. 427 00:21:16,985 --> 00:21:18,070 Can I tell you a secret? 428 00:21:19,338 --> 00:21:20,489 He's weird. 429 00:21:21,658 --> 00:21:22,950 Can I tell you a secret? 430 00:21:23,041 --> 00:21:23,909 I know. 431 00:21:25,375 --> 00:21:26,829 He's just so different from us. 432 00:21:26,888 --> 00:21:29,873 I mean, can you imagine having trouble with the opposite sex? 433 00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:32,960 The only thing that ever slowed me down was that little bastard. 434 00:21:35,043 --> 00:21:37,714 And he's, he's so... smart. 435 00:21:38,073 --> 00:21:39,466 Where's he get that from? 436 00:21:39,519 --> 00:21:40,214 I don't know. 437 00:21:40,313 --> 00:21:43,679 I mean, it's like some alien sent from another planet to make me feel stupid. 438 00:21:43,849 --> 00:21:46,056 Well, I'm here now, okay? 439 00:21:46,462 --> 00:21:49,017 So the dummies outnumber the aliens. 440 00:21:51,430 --> 00:21:52,562 Just... 441 00:21:52,999 --> 00:21:55,274 I feel bad, you know? I'm his uncle. 442 00:21:55,363 --> 00:21:56,942 I want to help him with something. 443 00:21:58,143 --> 00:22:00,612 If I can't help him with girls, I don't know what else I got. 444 00:22:01,074 --> 00:22:03,418 Well, you are helping him-- he's out on a Saturday night. 445 00:22:03,537 --> 00:22:05,784 Normally he'd be at the library studying. 446 00:22:06,356 --> 00:22:09,496 If he left the bar and went to the library, I am going to kill him. 447 00:22:11,421 --> 00:22:13,500 How'd it go? 448 00:22:14,467 --> 00:22:15,836 I got a phone number... 449 00:22:16,077 --> 00:22:17,629 from a solid five. 450 00:22:20,365 --> 00:22:22,092 Good for you.All right. 451 00:22:23,659 --> 00:22:25,429 So, you gonna call her? 452 00:22:25,700 --> 00:22:26,805 I think so. 453 00:22:26,895 --> 00:22:29,057 - Call her now. - No, no, no. Wait three days. 454 00:22:29,761 --> 00:22:31,433 No, you want her to know you like her. 455 00:22:31,532 --> 00:22:32,406 No, play hard to get. 456 00:22:32,665 --> 00:22:35,814 - Take her to dinner and a movie. - Bring her a slice and some porn. 457 00:22:38,150 --> 00:22:39,443 Joey, that's disgusting. 458 00:22:39,593 --> 00:22:40,861 Worked on all of your friends. 459 00:22:45,318 --> 00:22:47,534 Tonight, catch a supersized Apprentice 460 00:22:47,826 --> 00:22:50,162 following the premiere of Will & Grace on NBC. 461 00:22:50,903 --> 00:22:53,468 I don't know Micheal, I think this stars thing could work. 462 00:22:53,567 --> 00:22:55,542 Okay, I'll give it a shot some time. 463 00:22:56,398 --> 00:22:57,544 try it now. 464 00:23:05,761 --> 00:23:07,191 That's the Perseus Cluster. 465 00:23:07,441 --> 00:23:10,349 It's one of the most massive objects in the entire universe. 466 00:23:10,682 --> 00:23:12,455 Kinda makes you feel small, doesn't it? 467 00:23:12,594 --> 00:23:14,603 It does, Micheal. Continue. 468 00:23:17,773 --> 00:23:20,984 Well, it's 320 million light years away. 469 00:23:21,112 --> 00:23:23,862 The universe is so vast and empty 470 00:23:24,683 --> 00:23:26,907 make me glad that we have each other. 471 00:23:32,741 --> 00:23:33,796 What are you doing? 472 00:23:33,995 --> 00:23:35,499 I'm a 9!