1
00:00:00,070 --> 00:00:02,557
One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six,

2
00:00:02,592 --> 00:00:04,500
Shake it, dude.

3
00:00:25,776 --> 00:00:27,820
Cue the pulse to begin

4
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:39,623
Cue the pulse to begin

5
00:00:40,458 --> 00:00:42,877
Cue the pulse to begin

6
00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:46,255
Cue the pulse to begin

7
00:01:15,630 --> 00:01:19,364
Relax and count backwards
from 10, Mr. Kinney.

8
00:02:16,330 --> 00:02:17,230
Brian?

9
00:02:17,330 --> 00:02:18,783
Don't say anything.

10
00:02:18,810 --> 00:02:21,619
Look, I'm sure it's just
a temporary malfunction.

11
00:02:21,620 --> 00:02:25,777
It takes time for your body to heal
itself and for you to regain your strength.

12
00:02:25,860 --> 00:02:29,137
Be patient. Everything will
be up and running in no time.

13
00:02:30,792 --> 00:02:33,270
Thanks for not saying anything.

14
00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:43,134
I want to get those cool pumas
and a pair of diesel jeans,

15
00:02:43,140 --> 00:02:44,640
maybe two.

16
00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:47,362
Hey, hey. What do you
think I am, made of money?

17
00:02:47,397 --> 00:02:48,780
Like, yeah.

18
00:02:48,810 --> 00:02:50,450
You're having a movie made.

19
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:54,591
We hope. And I didn't work my ass off
so I could put expensive jeans on yours.

20
00:02:54,620 --> 00:02:57,980
Ben, I want to get a couple
pairs of diesel jeans.

21
00:02:58,010 --> 00:03:00,080
Pull up your pants.
I can see your shorts.

22
00:03:00,110 --> 00:03:01,836
That's the fucking point.

23
00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,190
We're taking Hunter to
buy some new clothes.

24
00:03:04,220 --> 00:03:05,777
And have pizza and go to a movie.

25
00:03:05,890 --> 00:03:08,524
Not a Brett Keller movie.

26
00:03:08,559 --> 00:03:10,194
So, tomorrow night?

27
00:03:10,260 --> 00:03:11,490
The mall? The three of us?

28
00:03:11,530 --> 00:03:12,977
Uh, sure. Fine.

29
00:03:13,012 --> 00:03:16,670
Ah, must be Mark Bluestein. He has
the flu. I said I'd cover his class.

30
00:03:16,700 --> 00:03:18,370
Hello?

31
00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:20,600
Hey.

32
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:23,910
Uh-huh.

33
00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:25,970
Sure.

34
00:03:26,010 --> 00:03:28,180
Uh, breakfast, lunch, whatever.

35
00:03:28,715 --> 00:03:30,510
Yeah, see you then.

36
00:03:30,550 --> 00:03:35,180
For somebody who's laid up with the
flu, he has a pretty healthy appetite.

37
00:03:35,220 --> 00:03:37,078
Uh, yeah, that wasn't
Mark. It was Anthony,

38
00:03:37,113 --> 00:03:38,990
from the library. You remember,
I told you about him?

39
00:03:39,020 --> 00:03:41,420
Yeah, how could I forget?
He only calls you every hour.

40
00:03:41,730 --> 00:03:43,070
That's not true.

41
00:03:43,105 --> 00:03:44,668
Maybe he has a crush on you.

42
00:03:44,703 --> 00:03:47,399
That's not true either. He's just
a nice kid who wants to be a writer.

43
00:03:47,434 --> 00:03:50,532
We get together and
discuss books, that's all.

44
00:03:50,567 --> 00:03:52,172
So, tomorrow night.

45
00:03:52,207 --> 00:03:55,267
Pizza, a movie and diesel jeans.

46
00:03:55,302 --> 00:03:57,265
Tight.

47
00:03:57,300 --> 00:03:59,241
Yeah, you mean, "loose".

48
00:04:20,780 --> 00:04:21,150
Oh, touchdown.

49
00:04:27,230 --> 00:04:30,851
My, how the boy can score.

50
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:33,713
I've got a good kicker.

51
00:04:34,810 --> 00:04:36,716
I'll say.

52
00:04:36,940 --> 00:04:40,031
That's a quarterback's secret weapon.

53
00:04:41,679 --> 00:04:43,580
Speaking of secrets...

54
00:04:43,620 --> 00:04:46,320
does your fiancée know?

55
00:04:46,350 --> 00:04:48,048
Know what?

56
00:04:48,250 --> 00:04:50,396
That you're... mm?

57
00:04:50,431 --> 00:04:52,087
That I'M...?

58
00:04:52,268 --> 00:04:54,130
Do I really have to say it?

59
00:04:52,287 --> 00:04:56,330
That you're, uh, the "h" word.

60
00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,260
Hard-bodied?

61
00:04:58,300 --> 00:05:00,980
Hot? Hung?

62
00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:02,340
Yeah, she knows all that.

63
00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:04,270
I meant, uh, homosexual.

64
00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:06,740
Gay. Queer.

65
00:05:06,770 --> 00:05:08,344
Hey, I'm not a fag.

66
00:05:08,379 --> 00:05:11,610
Did I use that word?

67
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:15,610
A fag is a sissy, girl, pansy.

68
00:05:15,650 --> 00:05:17,144
You think I’m that?

69
00:05:17,179 --> 00:05:18,221
Hardly.

70
00:05:18,321 --> 00:05:19,971
A fag can't even throw a ball.

71
00:05:19,990 --> 00:05:21,010
Do you know how far I can throw?

72
00:05:21,110 --> 00:05:23,305
I reckon a country mile.

73
00:05:23,340 --> 00:05:25,260
I'm a hero, to millions.

74
00:05:25,290 --> 00:05:27,760
Name one fag who's a hero.

75
00:05:27,790 --> 00:05:30,830
Name one fag who's got a call from
the president saying, "great game."

76
00:05:30,860 --> 00:05:33,605
Name one fag that's fucked
every Dallas cheerleader,

77
00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:36,617
and I don't even play for Dallas.

78
00:05:38,126 --> 00:05:40,372
Name one fag every kid
wants to grow up to be.

79
00:05:40,472 --> 00:05:42,590
Harvey Fierstein?

80
00:05:43,340 --> 00:05:46,487
So why would anyone think I was a fag?

81
00:05:46,522 --> 00:05:50,130
Maybe because you had
your dick up my ass?

82
00:05:50,165 --> 00:05:53,550
So I like to fuck guys.

83
00:05:53,580 --> 00:05:55,950
Doesn't mean that I love them,

84
00:05:55,990 --> 00:05:57,327
or want to kiss them,

85
00:05:57,427 --> 00:05:58,890
or even know them.

86
00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:01,930
This is just for fun.

87
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,265
To get off.

88
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,719
And no one's to ever hear about this.

89
00:06:06,819 --> 00:06:08,630
Understand?

90
00:06:09,674 --> 00:06:12,914
Who'd believe me if I told them?

91
00:06:14,649 --> 00:06:21,319
Next week, an enormous 250-foot mural
of yours will be unveiled at Penn Plaza.

92
00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:26,837
Tomorrow, an exhibition of your drawings
opens here, at the Sidney Bloom Gallery.

93
00:06:26,872 --> 00:06:31,155
Tell me, Mr. Auerbach, why
did you choose Pittsburgh?

94
00:06:31,255 --> 00:06:34,196
Well, unless you're a Pirates fan,
there's not a goddamn reason to come here.

95
00:06:34,296 --> 00:06:35,552
Now there will be.

96
00:06:35,652 --> 00:06:36,618
That's perfect.

97
00:06:36,718 --> 00:06:39,543
I've heard your ego is
as big as your mural.

98
00:06:39,578 --> 00:06:42,260
I hope I haven't let you down. I mean...

99
00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:46,370
I hope this bagel-deprived burg feels
the same way when they see my work.

100
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:49,760
I think that's all we need. That's good.

101
00:06:49,860 --> 00:06:51,700
That was great.

102
00:06:51,740 --> 00:06:52,427
Thank you.

103
00:06:52,462 --> 00:06:54,879
Any time, honey.

104
00:06:57,640 --> 00:06:59,554
How was I?

105
00:06:59,610 --> 00:07:01,280
Okay. I guess.

106
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,720
I wasn't really listening.

107
00:07:02,750 --> 00:07:04,220
I was working.

108
00:07:04,250 --> 00:07:05,720
I'm glad I didn't distract you.

109
00:07:05,750 --> 00:07:07,290
Not at all.

110
00:07:09,130 --> 00:07:11,384
You know,

111
00:07:11,460 --> 00:07:13,940
I have this strange
feeling that I'm being...

112
00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:16,230
ignored.

113
00:07:16,260 --> 00:07:19,578
Strange, because, I mean, let’s... let's
face it, I'm not used to being ignored.

114
00:07:19,678 --> 00:07:22,199
In fact, I think the last
time it happened, I was 14.

115
00:07:22,234 --> 00:07:24,897
Suzie Schroeder was her name.

116
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:29,157
She ditched me at a Tastee Freeze
for a guy with a triple scoop.

117
00:07:29,192 --> 00:07:31,634
Broke my heart.

118
00:07:31,810 --> 00:07:33,403
Well, you needn't worry.

119
00:07:33,503 --> 00:07:35,905
I haven't been to a
Tastee Freeze in years.

120
00:07:35,940 --> 00:07:38,936
So why don't you go over and
flirt with that nice girl reporter,

121
00:07:39,136 --> 00:07:41,714
and leave me to my work?

122
00:07:47,649 --> 00:07:51,659
Harvey, when have I ever let you down?

123
00:07:51,830 --> 00:07:52,731
Are you fucking kidding me?

124
00:07:52,770 --> 00:07:53,971
Name one time.

125
00:07:54,006 --> 00:07:56,116
The time I asked you out on a date,
and you said, "thanks, but no. "

126
00:07:56,126 --> 00:07:57,434
Okay, name a second.

127
00:07:57,444 --> 00:07:59,836
Oh, Jesus, Brian, I was
one of your first clients.

128
00:07:59,871 --> 00:08:00,852
Just because you're a big shot now...

129
00:08:00,862 --> 00:08:03,140
Hold on.

130
00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:06,160
Mr. DeCarlo, sorry to keep you.

131
00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:07,724
When is that campaign going to be ready?

132
00:08:07,734 --> 00:08:08,839
We're right on schedule.

133
00:08:08,839 --> 00:08:09,950
How does it look?

134
00:08:09,980 --> 00:08:11,030
It looks great.

135
00:08:11,065 --> 00:08:12,887
I need it for the next
stock-holder's meeting.

136
00:08:12,922 --> 00:08:13,955
When?

137
00:08:13,990 --> 00:08:16,694
Friday, 3:00 o'clock,
or they'll have my balls.

138
00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:18,661
Hold on.

139
00:08:18,890 --> 00:08:23,879
Tell Jacob that if the art for dandy
lube isn't on my desk by 9:00 A.M. Friday,

140
00:08:23,914 --> 00:08:28,027
he'll be teaching remedial
finger-painting to kindergartners.

141
00:08:28,062 --> 00:08:32,583
Mr. DeCarlo? How does
10:00 A.M. Friday sound?

142
00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:34,773
I love my balls.

143
00:08:38,210 --> 00:08:40,326
Harvey? Did you think of a second?

144
00:08:40,361 --> 00:08:41,354
Actually, no.

145
00:08:41,389 --> 00:08:42,635
See? I told you.

146
00:08:42,670 --> 00:08:44,819
Look, you owe me big, Brian. I
don't know what I’m supposed...

147
00:08:44,854 --> 00:08:46,852
Now stop worrying, I'll
get you the back cover.

148
00:08:46,872 --> 00:08:48,870
I'm counting on you, hot shot.

149
00:08:48,905 --> 00:08:54,358
Jeez, with an act like that, you should be
in Vegas making tigers vanish into thin air.

150
00:08:54,458 --> 00:08:59,132
Throw me a bone. I'm trying
to juggle 15 balls at once.

151
00:09:00,265 --> 00:09:02,424
No remarks.

152
00:09:02,770 --> 00:09:04,370
That's a nice suit.

153
00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:06,987
Yeah? Worked wonders
on Son of Dandy Lube.

154
00:09:08,895 --> 00:09:12,433
You know, I like your new-found
self-confidence, Theodore.

155
00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:15,294
Far preferable to your
former lack thereof.

156
00:09:15,329 --> 00:09:17,359
So what's my next assignment, Jim?

157
00:09:17,394 --> 00:09:18,950
Congrats.

158
00:09:18,990 --> 00:09:21,164
Brown Athletics is committing a cool mil

159
00:09:21,174 --> 00:09:23,471
to snag a model for
their new underwear line.

160
00:09:23,491 --> 00:09:25,232
Well, as luck would
have it, I'm available.

161
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:28,060
Unfortunately, they're looking
for someone with a higher profile.

162
00:09:28,090 --> 00:09:29,973
Not to mention a bigger basket.

163
00:09:30,008 --> 00:09:31,540
They want a famous sports figure.

164
00:09:31,575 --> 00:09:35,440
I happen to be Pittsburgh’s 1986
junior class ping pong champion.

165
00:09:35,470 --> 00:09:37,230
Well, runner-up.

166
00:09:38,095 --> 00:09:42,440
So, at what hour of the day or night am
I supposed to conduct this star search?

167
00:09:43,061 --> 00:09:45,101
I'll do it for you, Bri.

168
00:09:45,869 --> 00:09:47,122
You?

169
00:09:47,157 --> 00:09:48,680
Yeah.

170
00:09:48,710 --> 00:09:50,790
I landed dandy lube, didn't I?

171
00:09:50,825 --> 00:09:53,646
Look, I-I-I'll talk to
some agents, a few managers,

172
00:09:53,681 --> 00:09:55,338
see who's interested, then
put together a short list.

173
00:09:55,373 --> 00:09:56,984
Final draft choice, of course, is yours.

174
00:09:57,019 --> 00:09:59,324
Yeah, that sounds perfect,
except for one itty-bitty detail,

175
00:09:59,359 --> 00:10:01,312
you don't know a fucking
thing about sports.

176
00:10:01,412 --> 00:10:05,149
But I know about sex, what
looks good in a pair of shorts.

177
00:10:05,184 --> 00:10:10,775
After all, I am a gay man, and
sex is our national pastime.

178
00:10:13,810 --> 00:10:19,031
These drawings of Rage and JT are hot.

179
00:10:19,075 --> 00:10:22,586
Why can't we ever see Zephyr in a
fuck-fest with some great-looking guy?

180
00:10:22,630 --> 00:10:25,840
Because nobody buys our
comics to see Zephyr get laid.

181
00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:28,557
That is so not true. Just
because you don't want to see it.

182
00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:32,742
It's not that I don't want to see
it, it's that I can't imagine it.

183
00:10:32,777 --> 00:10:34,195
Well, I can.

184
00:10:34,199 --> 00:10:37,560
When he and his hunky boyfriend,
the world-famous palaeontologist,

185
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,767
professor Ken Kirschner, get it on, they really

186
00:10:39,777 --> 00:10:42,382
rattle the old dinosaur bones.

187
00:10:45,157 --> 00:10:49,883
Except ever since the scientific community
rejected the professor's latest research findings,

188
00:10:49,918 --> 00:10:52,659
they haven't felt much like doing it.

189
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,618
I know what that's like.

190
00:10:54,653 --> 00:10:58,804
JT hasn't gotten a rise out of rage since

191
00:10:58,904 --> 00:11:02,839
Ice Teena zapped him with her radiation gun.

192
00:11:02,974 --> 00:11:03,959
You mean...?

193
00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:06,379
Not since the operation.

194
00:11:06,979 --> 00:11:08,571
But I thought the doctor said that...

195
00:11:08,581 --> 00:11:10,065
"Nothing would be affected"?

196
00:11:10,165 --> 00:11:12,926
Yeah, well, something
sure as hell isn't working.

197
00:11:14,726 --> 00:11:16,424
Maybe he just needs some Viagra.

198
00:11:16,924 --> 00:11:19,449
You try telling him that.

199
00:11:20,338 --> 00:11:23,061
Okay, so how about we take
a little trip to Chinatown?

200
00:11:23,261 --> 00:11:24,692
I already ate.

201
00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:26,852
I meant to see Master Nee.

202
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:29,000
Who's he?

203
00:11:29,030 --> 00:11:30,760
He's this herbalist Ben sees.

204
00:11:30,795 --> 00:11:32,677
He says he's a miracle worker.

205
00:11:32,712 --> 00:11:35,189
He gave him this stuff that
actually helped lower his viral load.

206
00:11:35,289 --> 00:11:37,230
Come on. You don't
actually believe that.

207
00:11:37,565 --> 00:11:41,525
Chinese medicine's been working for
thousands of years. Who am I to doubt it?

208
00:11:41,530 --> 00:11:46,623
Besides, if he can help lower Ben’s
count, maybe he'll be able to raise...

209
00:11:47,423 --> 00:11:49,348
the "Titanic"?

210
00:11:52,183 --> 00:11:56,307
I give them an assignment to critique
one of Tennessee Williams' plays,

211
00:11:56,390 --> 00:11:58,363
and what do they do? They rip him to shreds,

212
00:11:58,420 --> 00:12:00,934
like a pack of jackals.

213
00:12:00,969 --> 00:12:03,690
Oh, you know how some queers are.

214
00:12:03,730 --> 00:12:07,896
They're not content to criticize,
they have to seek and destroy.

215
00:12:07,931 --> 00:12:09,674
All I know is,

216
00:12:09,684 --> 00:12:11,841
it's a lot harder to create something

217
00:12:11,861 --> 00:12:14,217
than it is to tear it apart.

218
00:12:14,370 --> 00:12:16,028
Like your book.

219
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:19,440
That must've been like giving birth.

220
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,417
Most people have no idea.

221
00:12:21,437 --> 00:12:22,758
I do.

222
00:12:22,770 --> 00:12:24,680
Every sentence I write, or

223
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:27,673
try to, is agony.

224
00:12:27,708 --> 00:12:29,339
I don't know why I do it.

225
00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:30,920
Probably for the same reason I do,

226
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,806
you have no choice.

227
00:12:32,841 --> 00:12:35,706
If you ever want me to read anything,

228
00:12:35,741 --> 00:12:39,738
a story, chapter, sentence...

229
00:12:39,773 --> 00:12:42,382
just ask. I promise to be gentle.

230
00:12:42,417 --> 00:12:44,467
I'm sure you would be.

231
00:12:44,941 --> 00:12:48,371
So, what do you think
about Edmund White?

232
00:12:49,755 --> 00:12:54,981
Why, his essays and articles on being
positive influenced me tremendously.

233
00:12:55,016 --> 00:12:58,539
But I particularly love his
autobiographical fiction.

234
00:12:58,574 --> 00:13:02,104
In fact, "A Boy's Own Story"
inspired me to write "R-U-1-2".

235
00:13:02,139 --> 00:13:06,196
Then how about coming with me
to his lecture tomorrow night?

236
00:13:06,231 --> 00:13:07,906
I've got an extra ticket.

237
00:13:08,908 --> 00:13:12,848
You know, I... I would love to, but, uh,

238
00:13:12,883 --> 00:13:16,209
I already made plans with my
partner and our foster son.

239
00:13:16,244 --> 00:13:17,537
That takes
priority.

240
00:13:17,572 --> 00:13:22,285
But in case something changes,
I'll save you the seat.

241
00:13:22,851 --> 00:13:24,955
Okay.

242
00:13:48,190 --> 00:13:49,519
Honey?

243
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:50,735
Hm?

244
00:13:50,790 --> 00:13:52,156
That feels wonderful.

245
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,710
I'm glad.

246
00:13:53,740 --> 00:13:55,743
But... but do you mind if we...

247
00:13:55,778 --> 00:13:57,432
What?

248
00:14:02,780 --> 00:14:05,131
If we use this?

249
00:14:05,166 --> 00:14:07,950
Glinda’s magic wand?

250
00:14:07,985 --> 00:14:10,437
We haven't used this since
Dorothy went home to Kansas.

251
00:14:10,472 --> 00:14:13,606
I just felt, I don't
know, in the mood, I guess.

252
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:15,056
But if you don't want to...

253
00:14:15,091 --> 00:14:17,764
No, no, no, if it's what you
want, then let's give it a whirl.

254
00:14:28,852 --> 00:14:31,061
Oh, God.

255
00:14:35,696 --> 00:14:37,162
There you go.

256
00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:39,395
Thanks.

257
00:14:42,046 --> 00:14:43,720
Take it easy, deb.

258
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:45,431
Yeah, you too, betty, honey.

259
00:14:45,466 --> 00:14:46,884
See you tomorrow.

260
00:14:59,519 --> 00:15:03,776
In case you didn't
notice, I was in the diner.

261
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,863
I noticed.

262
00:15:08,410 --> 00:15:09,827
Walk you home?

263
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,289
No, it's okay.

264
00:15:12,928 --> 00:15:15,034
It's late.

265
00:15:15,069 --> 00:15:18,210
I've been doing it on
my own for 20 years.

266
00:15:18,220 --> 00:15:20,316
I can take care of myself.

267
00:15:20,351 --> 00:15:22,807
And you've got a right hook to prove it.

268
00:15:27,205 --> 00:15:29,634
You're working late.

269
00:15:29,669 --> 00:15:31,157
Just got to get the job done.

270
00:15:31,192 --> 00:15:35,213
Used to be the only reason you'd
stay up was because it was still up.

271
00:15:36,375 --> 00:15:38,811
A lot of things "used to be".

272
00:15:38,911 --> 00:15:40,943
You're telling me.

273
00:15:42,932 --> 00:15:47,467
I shouldn't have said
what I did about Vic.

274
00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:57,531
You're damn straight you shouldn't have.

275
00:15:57,566 --> 00:15:59,925
Not that you were wrong.

276
00:16:01,886 --> 00:16:04,853
He was lucky he got those extra years.

277
00:16:04,888 --> 00:16:06,651
But it's the way you said it.

278
00:16:06,686 --> 00:16:10,044
Just tossing it off like
it didn't mean a thing,

279
00:16:10,079 --> 00:16:12,907
like his whole fucking
life didn't mean a thing.

280
00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:19,055
I see your point.

281
00:16:19,090 --> 00:16:22,053
Yeah, so why didn't you see it then?

282
00:16:25,656 --> 00:16:29,353
Maybe because I didn't
know that I had cancer then.

283
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,123
What?

284
00:16:33,192 --> 00:16:35,769
Are you going to make me say it twice?

285
00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:40,307
I just want to be sure
that I heard you...

286
00:16:40,342 --> 00:16:42,090
You heard it.

287
00:16:44,172 --> 00:16:46,875
Shit.

288
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:49,558
Are you...?

289
00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:50,925
All right?

290
00:16:51,045 --> 00:16:53,434
They think.

291
00:16:53,469 --> 00:16:57,098
But, who the hell knows?

292
00:16:57,133 --> 00:17:00,149
Well then, what the fuck are you
doing out at 2:00 in the morning?

293
00:17:00,184 --> 00:17:02,833
You should be home
getting your rest, honey.

294
00:17:02,868 --> 00:17:04,978
I can't sleep. I keep
having these dreams.

295
00:17:05,013 --> 00:17:06,925
Well, force yourself.

296
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:11,148
And make sure you eat, you hear me?
You got to keep your strength up.

297
00:17:13,371 --> 00:17:16,481
Yes, mother.

298
00:17:17,933 --> 00:17:20,264
Does she know?

299
00:17:23,010 --> 00:17:26,464
So far, just Michael and Justin.

300
00:17:26,499 --> 00:17:27,963
And...

301
00:17:27,973 --> 00:17:29,625
Theodore.

302
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:33,067
And nobody told me?

303
00:17:33,167 --> 00:17:34,953
I'm telling you.

304
00:17:36,192 --> 00:17:37,517
How come?

305
00:17:37,552 --> 00:17:43,030
So that you'll forgive
me and take pity on me.

306
00:17:44,907 --> 00:17:47,333
Son of a bitch.

307
00:17:52,896 --> 00:17:55,737
You're going to be okay, you hear me?

308
00:18:00,526 --> 00:18:03,261
You're going to be okay.

309
00:18:11,496 --> 00:18:13,518
I'm making a list for the grocery.

310
00:18:13,580 --> 00:18:16,233
Tide, butter, oatmeal. Can
you think of anything else?

311
00:18:16,620 --> 00:18:18,230
Batteries.

312
00:18:18,260 --> 00:18:19,107
Huh?

313
00:18:19,207 --> 00:18:22,709
After last night, Glinda’s magic
wand's going to need recharging.

314
00:18:22,744 --> 00:18:23,570
Oh.

315
00:18:23,580 --> 00:18:25,694
You were wild, honey.

316
00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:26,770
Mel.

317
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:27,915
Don't be embarrassed.

318
00:18:27,925 --> 00:18:30,277
It was hot to see you so turned on.

319
00:18:30,312 --> 00:18:32,249
We're out of fruit.

320
00:18:32,284 --> 00:18:34,876
Pears, apples. Should
I get more bananas?

321
00:18:35,347 --> 00:18:36,660
I mean...

322
00:18:36,670 --> 00:18:38,687
I would say so.

323
00:18:38,722 --> 00:18:43,238
By the way, I talked to Dusty and she said
that we can drop Gus off around 4:00 o'clock,

324
00:18:43,248 --> 00:18:45,539
which gives us plenty of time to
get ready and go to the opening.

325
00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:46,935
Cranapple juice...

326
00:18:47,070 --> 00:18:49,083
Do you want to go together, or
do you have to get there early?

327
00:18:49,183 --> 00:18:50,726
I don't need to be there at all.

328
00:18:50,761 --> 00:18:52,486
Oh, so you can be a guest
just like anyone else?

329
00:18:52,521 --> 00:18:54,586
I mean I've decided not to go.

330
00:18:54,621 --> 00:18:57,957
What are you talking about? It's your
show. You put the whole thing together.

331
00:18:57,992 --> 00:18:59,180
I know.

332
00:18:59,215 --> 00:19:00,553
Well, so, wouldn't you want to...

333
00:19:00,588 --> 00:19:02,587
I've spent enough time
on it already, okay?

334
00:19:02,622 --> 00:19:05,855
It's time I started being more
attentive to you, to our family.

335
00:19:05,865 --> 00:19:09,271
Michael even had to go to Lamaze for me.

336
00:19:09,306 --> 00:19:13,815
Hey, hey, hey, when I feel like I’m not
getting enough attention, I'll let you know.

337
00:19:13,850 --> 00:19:17,906
Now, I want you to go and get
some of the attention you deserve.

338
00:19:17,941 --> 00:19:21,412
Well, maybe I'll stop
by later, when it's over.

339
00:19:21,447 --> 00:19:23,269
See how it went.

340
00:19:25,177 --> 00:19:27,777
Now...

341
00:19:27,812 --> 00:19:30,010
I'm off to the grocery.

342
00:19:37,445 --> 00:19:39,797
Since when did Ted Schmidt,

343
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,740
reigning opera queen of Pittsburgh,

344
00:19:41,770 --> 00:19:44,355
trade in Puccini for pigskin?

345
00:19:44,390 --> 00:19:47,564
Since I told Brian I'd help
him find a famous sports figure

346
00:19:47,574 --> 00:19:49,397
to model Brown Athletics' new underwear line.

347
00:19:49,432 --> 00:19:51,333
Mmm, sounds hot.

348
00:19:51,368 --> 00:19:55,810
So, uh, which hunky jock did you select
to drop trou and smile for the birdie?

349
00:19:55,845 --> 00:19:57,960
I don't know who any of these guys are.

350
00:19:57,990 --> 00:19:59,760
Oh, perhaps I can help you out.

351
00:19:59,790 --> 00:20:02,160
You?

352
00:20:02,190 --> 00:20:05,091
Look, at least I know the difference between
a football, a baseball and a basketball.

353
00:20:05,691 --> 00:20:06,851
Balls are balls.

354
00:20:08,836 --> 00:20:10,948
What about him?

355
00:20:11,470 --> 00:20:12,095
Who?

356
00:20:12,695 --> 00:20:14,769
Drew Boyd.

357
00:20:15,404 --> 00:20:17,792
Star quarterback for the Iron Men.

358
00:20:18,462 --> 00:20:20,590
62% pass completions,

359
00:20:20,625 --> 00:20:23,768
threw 2 touchdown passes
last game, and ran for 2,

360
00:20:23,803 --> 00:20:25,850
led all quarterbacks in
the league in rushing yards.

361
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:27,424
I mean, if he keeps
playing the way he's been,

362
00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:30,125
he's a cinch to lead his team
to a conference championship,

363
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:32,372
then to the super bowl.

364
00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:36,928
What?

365
00:20:36,930 --> 00:20:38,550
How do you know all that?

366
00:20:39,100 --> 00:20:41,800
Hmm. You know, life's full of surprises.

367
00:20:42,551 --> 00:20:44,240
He's also gorgeous.

368
00:20:44,270 --> 00:20:45,792
Look at that smile

369
00:20:45,810 --> 00:20:48,464
and those broad shoulders

370
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:52,548
and those burly... burly arms...

371
00:20:52,558 --> 00:20:53,969
And that rock-hard butt...

372
00:20:53,990 --> 00:20:56,550
All right, all right, all right, all right,
you're drooling all over the magazine.

373
00:20:59,781 --> 00:21:01,938
Ah, he is hot.

374
00:21:03,490 --> 00:21:06,282
Mm, too bad he's straight.

375
00:21:07,150 --> 00:21:09,732
A girl can always dream.

376
00:21:48,930 --> 00:21:50,404
Excuse me.

377
00:21:50,410 --> 00:21:52,920
Uh, we're looking for something to...

378
00:21:52,930 --> 00:21:54,395
improve performance.

379
00:21:54,660 --> 00:21:57,370
You a singer?

380
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,440
Dancer?

381
00:21:59,470 --> 00:22:00,463
Comedian?

382
00:22:00,483 --> 00:22:02,810
Uh, no, not that kind of performance.

383
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:05,210
Um, uh...

384
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,713
sexual performance.

385
00:22:07,813 --> 00:22:08,714
Huh?

386
00:22:08,914 --> 00:22:11,620
Sexual performance.

387
00:22:11,650 --> 00:22:13,171
Sexual?

388
00:22:13,750 --> 00:22:15,049
Sexual?

389
00:22:16,690 --> 00:22:18,179
...Sexual...

390
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:19,796
Ah, sexual.

391
00:22:22,850 --> 00:22:25,308
Oh! You not get hard?

392
00:22:25,343 --> 00:22:27,336
Come too fast?

393
00:22:27,436 --> 00:22:30,137
Uh, no, it's not for
me, it's for my friend.

394
00:22:30,337 --> 00:22:32,713
Oh, it's what they all say. Huh?

395
00:22:34,094 --> 00:22:36,248
Weak pulse.

396
00:22:36,610 --> 00:22:37,540
Ah, low qi.

397
00:22:37,580 --> 00:22:40,023
Exhausted chang meridian.

398
00:22:40,058 --> 00:22:44,595
You have decline of fire in
your gate of life, but no worry.

399
00:22:44,620 --> 00:22:47,284
We make you hard, like rock.

400
00:22:47,319 --> 00:22:51,557
Hey, I... I told you,
it’s... it's for someone else.

401
00:22:51,592 --> 00:22:52,525
It's for my boyfriend.

402
00:22:52,625 --> 00:22:56,362
He had to have a testicle removed
and they gave him radiation.

403
00:22:56,538 --> 00:22:58,430
Oh, cancer, huh?

404
00:23:02,070 --> 00:23:04,570
Western medicine.

405
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,840
Kill you before it cure you.

406
00:23:07,450 --> 00:23:10,722
Too much water, drown out his fire.

407
00:23:12,427 --> 00:23:15,012
Velvet deer horn,

408
00:23:15,758 --> 00:23:17,628
cinnamon bark

409
00:23:17,629 --> 00:23:20,091
warm kidneys.

410
00:23:20,764 --> 00:23:22,490
Morinda root,

411
00:23:22,950 --> 00:23:25,990
Chinese leek seed...

412
00:23:26,020 --> 00:23:28,490
strengthen yang.

413
00:23:28,530 --> 00:23:32,799
The rehmannia root nourish blood,

414
00:23:33,434 --> 00:23:36,444
and, uh, yeah, cornus flower

415
00:23:36,479 --> 00:23:38,228
moistens yin, huh?

416
00:23:38,263 --> 00:23:40,011
Make a tea.

417
00:23:40,046 --> 00:23:42,617
Plenty good sex.

418
00:23:42,652 --> 00:23:45,628
See? I told you.

419
00:25:35,620 --> 00:25:38,700
Your turn.

420
00:25:38,890 --> 00:25:40,655
I'm in no hurry.

421
00:25:44,922 --> 00:25:47,794
Did anyone ever tell you how
hot you look in your undies?

422
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:49,467
About 300 women.

423
00:25:49,567 --> 00:25:51,309
How many men?

424
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,257
It's a shame the rest
of the world can't see.

425
00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:56,310
See what?

426
00:25:56,340 --> 00:25:57,171
How gorgeous you are.

427
00:25:57,210 --> 00:25:58,420
Cut it out.

428
00:25:58,455 --> 00:26:02,359
I'm serious. You should
display your manly charms.

429
00:26:02,394 --> 00:26:04,625
Flash my cock in "Playgirl"?

430
00:26:04,660 --> 00:26:08,060
I was thinking more
like, hm, underwear ad.

431
00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:11,660
You're kidding?

432
00:26:11,690 --> 00:26:14,090
I have this friend who,
uh, works for an ad agency,

433
00:26:14,130 --> 00:26:19,000
says Brown Athletics is looking
for a famous sports figure

434
00:26:19,035 --> 00:26:21,443
to be their new underwear model.

435
00:26:21,478 --> 00:26:22,870
And you...

436
00:26:22,970 --> 00:26:24,859
have quite the figure.

437
00:26:24,894 --> 00:26:26,716
I'm not posing in my shorts.

438
00:26:26,751 --> 00:26:29,270
Everyone will think I'm a homo.

439
00:26:29,305 --> 00:26:31,372
What everyone will think is,

440
00:26:31,407 --> 00:26:35,750
"I wish I had a body like that, and that someone
would pay me all that money to show it off."

441
00:26:35,780 --> 00:26:37,520
Come on.

442
00:26:37,550 --> 00:26:39,517
Why don't you pose?

443
00:26:39,705 --> 00:26:40,922
Here?

444
00:26:40,957 --> 00:26:42,185
Why not?

445
00:26:42,220 --> 00:26:43,937
I'll snap your picture.

446
00:26:44,037 --> 00:26:45,790
Come on.

447
00:26:45,820 --> 00:26:47,367
Give it up,

448
00:26:47,402 --> 00:26:49,371
show me what you got.

449
00:26:49,406 --> 00:26:51,209
Oh-ho, yeah.

450
00:26:51,244 --> 00:26:53,974
That's it, yeah.

451
00:26:54,009 --> 00:26:56,084
That's the ticket.

452
00:26:56,119 --> 00:27:03,489
Ho-o-o! Ho, ho, ho, yeah! Give me some
of that trademark Drew Boyd action.

453
00:27:03,524 --> 00:27:05,444
Make love to the camera.

454
00:27:05,479 --> 00:27:08,197
Yeah, that's the way.

455
00:27:08,232 --> 00:27:12,844
Make me want to suck your dick.

456
00:27:17,879 --> 00:27:19,782
Would you stop nagging me already?

457
00:27:19,790 --> 00:27:22,198
I'm not going to pay
$150 for a pair of jeans.

458
00:27:22,220 --> 00:27:23,925
Diesel's quality, man.

459
00:27:24,020 --> 00:27:25,230
They're ripped full of holes.

460
00:27:25,250 --> 00:27:27,355
They're going to be
rags after two washings.

461
00:27:27,390 --> 00:27:29,399
Please, dad? I mean, dude.

462
00:27:31,016 --> 00:27:32,665
There you are.

463
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:34,900
Hurry up and put down your
books, we got to go to the mall.

464
00:27:35,430 --> 00:27:40,143
You know, uh, if it's okay
with you, uh, I think I’ll pass.

465
00:27:40,243 --> 00:27:43,574
No, it's not okay. We had this planned.

466
00:27:43,609 --> 00:27:47,222
Trashy movie, greasy pizza, over-priced
clothes. What more could a man ask for?

467
00:27:47,257 --> 00:27:49,235
I-I got invited to a lecture;

468
00:27:49,270 --> 00:27:50,510
Edmund White.

469
00:27:50,545 --> 00:27:51,328
Who?

470
00:27:51,363 --> 00:27:53,139
One of our greatest gay writers.

471
00:27:53,174 --> 00:27:55,923
Who invited you?

472
00:27:56,678 --> 00:27:57,820
Anthony.

473
00:27:58,245 --> 00:28:00,049
Anthony.

474
00:28:01,060 --> 00:28:03,090
Look, this is important to me.

475
00:28:03,130 --> 00:28:04,691
And this is important to Hunter.

476
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:06,853
It doesn't take two of us
to buy him a pair of jeans.

477
00:28:06,953 --> 00:28:08,002
That's not the point.

478
00:28:08,102 --> 00:28:09,736
Hey. Hey! It's just the mall.

479
00:28:09,740 --> 00:28:13,214
In fact, how about you both not
go and give me your credit card?

480
00:28:13,314 --> 00:28:17,315
Thank you for the thoughtful
suggestion, but, uh, I'm still going.

481
00:28:17,350 --> 00:28:18,957
I'm sorry you're not.

482
00:28:27,180 --> 00:28:30,444
I'm sorry I'm late, Sidney,
but it couldn't be helped.

483
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:32,368
Gus got a fever. Mel had to work late.

484
00:28:32,390 --> 00:28:33,386
My hands were full.

485
00:28:33,421 --> 00:28:34,664
So were mine,

486
00:28:34,699 --> 00:28:38,257
accepting cheques, Visa, or MasterCard.

487
00:28:38,330 --> 00:28:39,705
Then it was a success?

488
00:28:39,740 --> 00:28:40,416
Awesome.

489
00:28:40,516 --> 00:28:41,809
It's too bad you missed it.

490
00:28:41,870 --> 00:28:44,007
Why don't you go home? I'll close up.

491
00:28:44,042 --> 00:28:45,570
Don't forget to turn on the alarm.

492
00:28:45,605 --> 00:28:46,452
All right.

493
00:28:46,487 --> 00:28:48,460
Shall we go for a drink?

494
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:50,033
Absolutely.

495
00:28:50,068 --> 00:28:51,363
How about jerry?

496
00:28:51,380 --> 00:28:52,988
That's a great idea.

497
00:29:10,741 --> 00:29:12,951
Oh, my God!

498
00:29:12,986 --> 00:29:14,343
You scared me to death.

499
00:29:14,378 --> 00:29:16,094
Good thing I came back from the can.

500
00:29:16,129 --> 00:29:17,486
You would have locked me in.

501
00:29:17,521 --> 00:29:19,401
What are you doing here?

502
00:29:19,436 --> 00:29:22,138
Well, I had an opening
tonight, in case you forgot.

503
00:29:22,173 --> 00:29:23,359
I didn't forget.

504
00:29:23,394 --> 00:29:24,352
Then where the hell were you?

505
00:29:24,387 --> 00:29:25,517
I had things to attend to.

506
00:29:25,552 --> 00:29:28,776
Don't give me that shit. This was
the most important night of your life.

507
00:29:28,811 --> 00:29:30,402
Oh, don't flatter yourself.

508
00:29:30,437 --> 00:29:32,379
Your Aunt Minnie could've died
and you wouldn't have missed it.

509
00:29:32,414 --> 00:29:33,767
I don't have an Aunt Minnie.

510
00:29:33,802 --> 00:29:37,601
Yeah, well, I do, and
believe me, if you knew her,

511
00:29:37,636 --> 00:29:40,072
it's all the more reason
you would have been here.

512
00:29:41,310 --> 00:29:42,322
So why weren't you?

513
00:29:42,330 --> 00:29:43,269
I already told you.

514
00:29:43,304 --> 00:29:45,123
Now let me lock up so I can go home.

515
00:29:48,392 --> 00:29:50,581
What's your rush?

516
00:29:50,616 --> 00:29:52,644
You just got here.

517
00:29:52,679 --> 00:29:53,930
What are you doing?

518
00:29:53,965 --> 00:29:56,115
Responding to my senses.
It's what an artist does.

519
00:29:56,150 --> 00:29:57,813
Well, tell your senses
to respond to this:

520
00:29:57,820 --> 00:29:59,592
Back off.

521
00:29:59,627 --> 00:30:00,774
You sure?

522
00:30:00,809 --> 00:30:02,520
Yes, I'm sure.

523
00:30:02,555 --> 00:30:03,489
Well, I'm not.

524
00:30:03,524 --> 00:30:07,503
As a matter of fact, I think you've got a
lot of contradictory feelings going on here.

525
00:30:07,538 --> 00:30:08,589
Oh, is that so?

526
00:30:08,624 --> 00:30:09,359
Yeah.

527
00:30:09,394 --> 00:30:11,817
I knew from the minute I met
you, you wanted me to fuck you.

528
00:30:11,852 --> 00:30:15,722
Why, you smug, arrogant...

529
00:30:15,757 --> 00:30:18,788
I want you to leave. Now!

530
00:30:19,443 --> 00:30:21,510
Sure.

531
00:30:23,343 --> 00:30:24,977
But you ain't foolin' me, lady.

532
00:30:25,077 --> 00:30:28,047
More important, you ain't
foolin' yourself either.

533
00:30:28,082 --> 00:30:30,189
Don't you dare tell me how I feel.

534
00:30:30,210 --> 00:30:32,244
You have no idea how I feel.

535
00:30:32,279 --> 00:30:32,962
Yeah.

536
00:30:32,997 --> 00:30:34,410
And it isn't true what you said.

537
00:30:34,445 --> 00:30:36,219
Liar, liar.

538
00:30:36,254 --> 00:30:37,740
I have no feelings for you.

539
00:30:37,775 --> 00:30:40,578
I mean, how could I? I'm a lesbian.

540
00:30:43,624 --> 00:30:45,188
That's how.

541
00:31:38,980 --> 00:31:41,216
He was amazing.

542
00:31:41,300 --> 00:31:44,558
And to think I never would've heard of
him if it hadn't been for your class.

543
00:31:44,593 --> 00:31:48,389
Oh-h-h, I'm sure you would've
discovered his work eventually.

544
00:31:49,964 --> 00:31:52,317
I thought the part
where he talked about...

545
00:31:52,352 --> 00:31:57,417
how being positive changed his life
was particularly powerful, didn't you?

546
00:31:57,452 --> 00:31:59,342
Hmm. Oh, I'd better not.

547
00:31:59,377 --> 00:32:01,072
Aw, come on.

548
00:32:01,107 --> 00:32:02,564
Got to help me finish the bottle.

549
00:32:05,993 --> 00:32:10,191
You know what constantly
impresses and amazes me,

550
00:32:10,226 --> 00:32:12,755
how when confronted with
the worst of circumstances,

551
00:32:12,790 --> 00:32:15,964
we, as gay men, somehow manage
to rise to the challenge.

552
00:32:15,999 --> 00:32:18,257
Like Edmund White.

553
00:32:19,104 --> 00:32:21,209
Like you.

554
00:32:28,700 --> 00:32:32,108
Anthony...

555
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:36,865
if this is where all
this has been leading,

556
00:32:36,965 --> 00:32:39,358
you've made a mistake.

557
00:32:39,490 --> 00:32:41,515
I don't think so.

558
00:32:43,284 --> 00:32:44,862
I have a partner.

559
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:46,174
We have a foster kid.

560
00:32:46,209 --> 00:32:47,023
I know.

561
00:32:47,058 --> 00:32:50,678
And I'm not asking for
anything I can't have.

562
00:32:50,974 --> 00:32:53,633
All I want...

563
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:57,654
is this.

564
00:33:00,455 --> 00:33:04,152
From the moment I saw you,
I fantasized about you...

565
00:33:04,187 --> 00:33:06,645
admired you...

566
00:33:11,562 --> 00:33:15,132
wanted to be like you.

567
00:33:18,105 --> 00:33:22,762
That's why I want you
to give me the gift.

568
00:33:26,453 --> 00:33:28,137
What?

569
00:33:28,886 --> 00:33:31,498
I want you to be the one.

570
00:33:31,789 --> 00:33:32,943
Anthony...

571
00:33:33,043 --> 00:33:35,086
Make me positive...

572
00:33:35,121 --> 00:33:36,107
like you.

573
00:33:36,207 --> 00:33:37,337
What are you... Stop it!

574
00:33:37,772 --> 00:33:41,549
It's going to happen anyway. It's
just a matter of time before it does.

575
00:33:41,684 --> 00:33:43,601
Not if you're safe.

576
00:33:43,801 --> 00:33:45,554
Why be safe?

577
00:33:46,585 --> 00:33:50,711
All my friends who've converted
say they feel liberated.

578
00:33:50,746 --> 00:33:52,536
Free.

579
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:55,977
They don't have to
worry about it any more.

580
00:33:56,012 --> 00:33:58,922
It's over. Done.

581
00:33:59,155 --> 00:34:01,475
I want to be like them...

582
00:34:02,326 --> 00:34:04,683
like you.

583
00:34:10,514 --> 00:34:11,609
It's late.

584
00:34:13,624 --> 00:34:15,665
I have to get home.

585
00:34:53,990 --> 00:34:55,766
Here.

586
00:34:55,830 --> 00:34:57,879
Drink this.

587
00:34:57,914 --> 00:35:00,064
It smells like yak shit.

588
00:35:00,164 --> 00:35:02,625
Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised
if that was in it too.

589
00:35:03,225 --> 00:35:05,878
It's a magic potion
from a Chinese herbalist.

590
00:35:06,278 --> 00:35:09,383
Will it make me small?

591
00:35:09,583 --> 00:35:11,164
I'm hoping...

592
00:35:11,210 --> 00:35:13,365
that it will make you large,

593
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:16,091
very, very large.

594
00:35:34,734 --> 00:35:36,191
That's disgusting.

595
00:35:36,391 --> 00:35:38,436
Who cares, as long as it works.

596
00:35:55,641 --> 00:35:57,774
Are you feeling anything?

597
00:36:00,563 --> 00:36:03,904
Well, if you're expecting my glasses
to steam up, I hate to disappoint you.

598
00:36:05,132 --> 00:36:09,224
It's supposed to rekindle
the fire in your life gate.

599
00:36:09,259 --> 00:36:10,701
My life gate?

600
00:36:10,736 --> 00:36:13,870
I know it sounds ludicrous, but...
if it works, who gives a shit?

601
00:36:13,900 --> 00:36:16,710
Yeah, well, maybe it can also stop me
from thinking about what's no longer there,

602
00:36:16,740 --> 00:36:19,206
and that in its place
is this piece of plastic.

603
00:36:21,466 --> 00:36:26,864
Or from picturing them sucking a
bloody, disease-ridden ball out of me.

604
00:36:28,356 --> 00:36:32,409
Or from feeling so shitty from having
them burn me to a crisp with their ray gun

605
00:36:32,444 --> 00:36:35,131
that all I want to do is
dig a hole and crawl in,

606
00:36:35,166 --> 00:36:37,879
only I'm too busy vomiting.

607
00:36:40,059 --> 00:36:41,981
Who knows?

608
00:36:41,990 --> 00:36:45,619
Maybe then I might even
be able to get it up.

609
00:36:45,654 --> 00:36:48,102
There's got to be something.

610
00:36:49,175 --> 00:36:53,632
Whatever it is, it's
not a cup of Lipton’s.

611
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:32,968
You're all wet.

612
00:37:33,250 --> 00:37:36,480
How was the opening?

613
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:39,025
It was practically sold out.

614
00:37:39,125 --> 00:37:41,118
Oh, that's great.

615
00:37:41,153 --> 00:37:42,930
Congratulations.

616
00:37:43,030 --> 00:37:44,500
Thanks.

617
00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:47,355
Aren't you glad I made you go?

618
00:38:03,390 --> 00:38:06,657
As you know, I don't
come here a hell of a lot.

619
00:38:06,700 --> 00:38:10,272
I figure you've got enough on your
hands without hearing from me.

620
00:38:10,820 --> 00:38:15,727
But, um, this is important.

621
00:38:16,362 --> 00:38:20,892
It's about my brother, Vic. Vic Grassi.

622
00:38:22,131 --> 00:38:26,709
He's gay, which seems to, um,

623
00:38:26,744 --> 00:38:29,852
bother some of the people
you've got working for you.

624
00:38:29,852 --> 00:38:32,271
But I say...

625
00:38:32,371 --> 00:38:37,411
Considering what's been going on in your church
lately, they got some hell of a nerve judging others.

626
00:38:41,309 --> 00:38:45,791
I'm sure you have more love
in your heart than they do...

627
00:38:45,826 --> 00:38:51,478
and that there's a special
place in heaven just for Vic.

628
00:38:51,513 --> 00:38:53,903
But, uh...

629
00:38:54,393 --> 00:38:58,970
keep an eye on him, just in case.

630
00:39:00,397 --> 00:39:02,604
One more thing.

631
00:39:02,704 --> 00:39:04,221
Brian Kinney.

632
00:39:04,321 --> 00:39:07,152
No doubt you've heard of him.

633
00:39:09,392 --> 00:39:12,104
He wouldn't like me
telling you this, but...

634
00:39:12,139 --> 00:39:15,623
the biggest organ he's got is his heart.

635
00:39:16,731 --> 00:39:19,499
So please, God...

636
00:39:20,574 --> 00:39:23,376
make him well.

637
00:39:23,411 --> 00:39:25,674
Please.

638
00:39:28,309 --> 00:39:30,412
Well...

639
00:39:30,512 --> 00:39:34,602
I guess that's about
it. Thanks for listening.

640
00:39:35,144 --> 00:39:36,897
Amen.

641
00:39:50,446 --> 00:39:52,512
Joan?

642
00:39:54,063 --> 00:39:55,559
It's Debbie.

643
00:39:55,659 --> 00:39:57,366
Debbie Novotny?

644
00:39:57,750 --> 00:39:59,720
Hello, Debbie.

645
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:03,642
I'M... surprised to see you here.

646
00:40:03,677 --> 00:40:06,038
Well, as I was just saying,
I don't stop by too often.

647
00:40:06,073 --> 00:40:09,564
But when the going gets tough,
I still haul my ass back here,

648
00:40:09,570 --> 00:40:11,634
you know, like a good
little catholic girl.

649
00:40:12,130 --> 00:40:15,178
Well, that's the blessing of suffering.

650
00:40:15,213 --> 00:40:17,250
It brings us closer to God.

651
00:40:17,350 --> 00:40:19,352
Well, that's one way of looking at it.

652
00:40:19,540 --> 00:40:23,404
Another way is to say to him,
"Could you cut it out already?"

653
00:40:24,417 --> 00:40:27,375
I heard about your brother's passing.

654
00:40:27,410 --> 00:40:29,611
Please accept my condolences.

655
00:40:29,615 --> 00:40:30,817
Thanks.

656
00:40:30,917 --> 00:40:34,439
I remember when I lost my sister.

657
00:40:34,961 --> 00:40:37,249
I felt like I had...

658
00:40:37,892 --> 00:40:41,589
lost my best friend, my confidante,

659
00:40:42,074 --> 00:40:43,643
My witness.

660
00:40:43,700 --> 00:40:46,024
That about sums it up.

661
00:40:46,514 --> 00:40:49,071
Well, at least we have our children.

662
00:40:49,106 --> 00:40:51,117
That's some comfort.

663
00:40:51,353 --> 00:40:54,198
Provided they're talking to you.

664
00:40:55,169 --> 00:40:56,631
Well...

665
00:40:57,280 --> 00:40:58,550
God bless.

666
00:41:00,069 --> 00:41:01,687
Joan.

667
00:41:03,358 --> 00:41:06,354
When's the last time you spoke to Brian?

668
00:41:06,589 --> 00:41:09,364
It’s... been a while.

669
00:41:09,599 --> 00:41:12,430
Well, you might want to give him a call.

670
00:41:13,130 --> 00:41:16,683
I doubt he has anything to say to me.

671
00:41:16,718 --> 00:41:19,836
Well, there might be something
you want to say to him.

672
00:41:23,270 --> 00:41:24,869
I got him.

673
00:41:25,910 --> 00:41:27,138
Got who?

674
00:41:27,173 --> 00:41:30,547
Drew Boyd. He's agreed to be the new
underwear model for Brown Athletics.

675
00:41:30,582 --> 00:41:32,057
That's wonderful, Teddy.

676
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:34,785
Huh. It's beyond wonderful.

677
00:41:34,820 --> 00:41:37,529
It's incredible. It's astonishing. It’s...

678
00:41:37,930 --> 00:41:39,196
unbelievable.

679
00:41:39,296 --> 00:41:40,800
It's not that unbelievable.

680
00:41:40,810 --> 00:41:42,799
After all, they are paying
him a million dollars.

681
00:41:42,999 --> 00:41:44,184
How do you know that?

682
00:41:45,100 --> 00:41:48,064
Uh, well, they are, aren't they?

683
00:41:48,099 --> 00:41:49,077
Well, yeah, but...

684
00:41:49,112 --> 00:41:50,320
so why are you so amazed?

685
00:41:50,355 --> 00:41:52,119
Never mind.

686
00:41:52,740 --> 00:41:55,611
You know, I-I absolutely
hate when you do that.

687
00:41:55,646 --> 00:41:57,188
Do what?

688
00:41:57,223 --> 00:41:59,648
Start to say something
and then say, "never mind."

689
00:41:59,748 --> 00:42:02,192
Then I have to spend the next 10 minutes
begging you to tell me what it is.

690
00:42:02,292 --> 00:42:04,598
I never knew it irritated you
that much. Why didn't you tell me?

691
00:42:04,633 --> 00:42:06,776
Well, what good would it do?
You'd just get hurt and sulk.

692
00:42:06,876 --> 00:42:08,290
I would not sulk.

693
00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:09,666
And then I'd have to
spend another 10 minutes

694
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:12,637
convincing you that I love you and begging
you to forgive me, which you finally would,

695
00:42:12,737 --> 00:42:18,057
so will you please just tell me what the fuck it is so
we don't have to go through the entire song and dance?

696
00:42:18,092 --> 00:42:20,531
I forgot what it is I
wasn't going to tell you.

697
00:42:21,413 --> 00:42:25,665
You weren't going to tell
me why it is so unbelievable

698
00:42:25,675 --> 00:42:28,928
that Drewsie... D... uh,
Drew Boyd said, "yes."

699
00:42:29,337 --> 00:42:30,510
Uh, right.

700
00:42:30,540 --> 00:42:34,754
Because I was sure
that he would say "no."

701
00:42:34,789 --> 00:42:36,312
That he would turn me down flat,

702
00:42:36,347 --> 00:42:39,203
and that I'd have to face Brian’s
wrath for being a wretched failure.

703
00:42:39,238 --> 00:42:40,790
But that's not what happened.

704
00:42:40,820 --> 00:42:42,720
He said "yes."

705
00:42:42,750 --> 00:42:44,603
And it's all because of you.

706
00:42:44,803 --> 00:42:46,020
Me? Wh...?

707
00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:48,065
Well, you're the one who
suggested him, aren't you?

708
00:42:48,165 --> 00:42:50,395
Well, yeah, hm, I suppose I did.

709
00:42:50,695 --> 00:42:53,060
Although...

710
00:42:53,100 --> 00:42:58,416
I must've been pretty damn impressive
to convince a big-time jock like

711
00:42:58,451 --> 00:43:02,234
Drew Boyd to stand around in his shorts.

712
00:43:08,527 --> 00:43:09,607
There you go.

713
00:43:12,110 --> 00:43:13,498
Professor Bruckner.

714
00:43:13,510 --> 00:43:14,956
I'd like to check these out.

715
00:43:15,090 --> 00:43:16,120
- Certainly.
- Anthony...

716
00:43:16,220 --> 00:43:17,719
I'm sorry about last night, Ben.

717
00:43:17,754 --> 00:43:21,039
I didn't mean to put you
in an awkward situation.

718
00:43:21,239 --> 00:43:24,240
It wasn't so much awkward
as it was upsetting

719
00:43:24,275 --> 00:43:26,743
to learn that what you really
wanted was for me to give you

720
00:43:26,778 --> 00:43:28,186
"the gift".

721
00:43:28,221 --> 00:43:31,403
You were and still are my inspiration.

722
00:43:31,438 --> 00:43:33,618
Then listen to me.

723
00:43:33,653 --> 00:43:36,321
You have no idea what it's
really like to be positive.

724
00:43:36,356 --> 00:43:39,600
No book, no lecture
could ever describe that.

725
00:43:39,630 --> 00:43:42,864
So please believe me when I
tell you you don't want it.

726
00:43:42,899 --> 00:43:44,851
You don’t. It's not what you think.

727
00:43:44,886 --> 00:43:49,066
Well, thanks for trying to talk
me out of it, but it's too late.

728
00:43:49,906 --> 00:43:51,347
You see, I went to a party last night.

729
00:43:51,382 --> 00:43:52,945
What kind of party?

730
00:43:52,980 --> 00:43:55,322
It's called a conversion party.

731
00:43:55,357 --> 00:43:57,912
I had unprotected sex
with a dozen or so guys.

732
00:43:58,047 --> 00:44:00,384
It's not the way I
would've preferred it,

733
00:44:00,419 --> 00:44:02,163
but hopefully it worked.

734
00:44:03,489 --> 00:44:05,119
Oh, Anthony, for God's sake...

735
00:44:05,219 --> 00:44:07,515
They said I should know
in a couple of weeks.

736
00:44:08,855 --> 00:44:12,287
The same time these books are due back.

737
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:28,358
Your new office is very impressive.

738
00:44:28,610 --> 00:44:30,806
And I like the name,

739
00:44:30,850 --> 00:44:32,310
Kinnetik, with two "ns".

740
00:44:32,350 --> 00:44:35,050
That's very clever.

741
00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:40,520
I'm glad to see you're doing so well.

742
00:44:42,485 --> 00:44:45,435
Well, that makes two of us.

743
00:44:47,794 --> 00:44:51,003
I saw that...

744
00:44:51,103 --> 00:44:53,658
Debbie Novotny in church this morning.

745
00:44:53,758 --> 00:44:55,063
Well, what the hell was she doing there?

746
00:44:55,163 --> 00:44:57,230
What most people do, pray.

747
00:44:59,299 --> 00:45:02,604
Huh. She's quite a character.

748
00:45:02,639 --> 00:45:04,239
Yeah, well, I'll drink to that.

749
00:45:04,339 --> 00:45:06,898
I don't know how her
poor son ever survived.

750
00:45:06,933 --> 00:45:09,163
Maybe because she loved him.

751
00:45:16,054 --> 00:45:17,881
And I love you.

752
00:45:19,589 --> 00:45:22,436
Well, you may not believe
that, but it's true.

753
00:45:23,930 --> 00:45:28,201
That's why it hurt so much
that I had to hear it from her,

754
00:45:28,236 --> 00:45:29,453
and not from you.

755
00:45:32,084 --> 00:45:33,852
Why didn't you tell me?

756
00:45:35,613 --> 00:45:37,057
The reason being?

757
00:45:37,290 --> 00:45:38,790
So I could help you.

758
00:45:38,830 --> 00:45:42,115
Well, I'm a big boy,
mom. I can dress myself.

759
00:45:42,514 --> 00:45:46,199
I meant pray for you.
Help you to see God's plan.

760
00:45:46,234 --> 00:45:48,139
God has a plan?

761
00:45:48,439 --> 00:45:50,222
He spared you for a reason.

762
00:45:50,257 --> 00:45:52,454
Do you know why?

763
00:45:52,489 --> 00:45:53,803
To torment you.

764
00:45:55,124 --> 00:45:59,951
I mean, no martyr was ever sainted without
going through a shitload of pain and suffering.

765
00:45:59,986 --> 00:46:05,784
Well, Saint Joan, say
hello to your shitload.

766
00:46:05,819 --> 00:46:07,420
Brian.

767
00:46:07,460 --> 00:46:12,854
Whatever anger, whatever
hatred you have for me,

768
00:46:12,889 --> 00:46:14,845
you're still my son,

769
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:18,575
and that's why I'm trying to
save you from the eternal fire.

770
00:46:18,610 --> 00:46:24,090
Every time you engage in behaviour that the
bible expressedly says is an abomination,

771
00:46:24,125 --> 00:46:27,709
you're adding another
eternity to your sentence.

772
00:46:27,744 --> 00:46:29,923
Well, I wish I was engaging in it.

773
00:46:29,958 --> 00:46:33,402
It brings tears to Jesus' eyes,
knowing that you've sinned.

774
00:46:33,437 --> 00:46:38,193
But only you can save
yourself from God's punishment.

775
00:46:38,328 --> 00:46:44,329
You think God gave me
cancer to punish me?

776
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:49,393
It's not too late.

777
00:46:49,428 --> 00:46:51,190
You can still change.

778
00:46:51,225 --> 00:46:53,192
I know you can.

779
00:46:53,827 --> 00:46:55,996
I can?

780
00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:57,730
Though it won't be easy.

781
00:46:57,765 --> 00:47:00,422
You'll have to fight temptation.

782
00:47:00,457 --> 00:47:02,898
Be strong. Harden yourself.

783
00:47:03,098 --> 00:47:05,375
I want to be hard, mom.

784
00:47:05,410 --> 00:47:09,565
You have no idea how
much I want to be hard.

785
00:47:10,797 --> 00:47:17,449
Oh, lord, make me hard, so that
I can fuck every hot guy I see.

786
00:47:18,329 --> 00:47:21,594
That's why God gave me
a second chance, mom,

787
00:47:21,629 --> 00:47:23,817
so that I can use the
one ball I have left.

788
00:47:23,852 --> 00:47:25,396
Shame.

789
00:47:26,810 --> 00:47:28,726
Shame on you!

790
00:47:28,761 --> 00:47:32,691
If I have to spend an eternity
of eternities burning in hell,

791
00:47:32,726 --> 00:47:37,581
it's better than spending one
good day in heaven with you.

792
00:48:07,088 --> 00:48:09,225
Thank you.

793
00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:13,171
So, in this dream

794
00:48:14,130 --> 00:48:16,019
there's this gigantic billboard of you,

795
00:48:16,054 --> 00:48:19,369
Times Square, like, 40 storeys high,

796
00:48:19,404 --> 00:48:21,722
in your underwear.

797
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:24,780
My agent said it'd be great exposure.

798
00:48:24,810 --> 00:48:30,483
Anyway, you know I have this, um,
little eccentricity about size,

799
00:48:30,518 --> 00:48:36,810
and your crotch goes from,
like, the 16th to the 23rd floor.

800
00:48:36,845 --> 00:48:41,349
So I get on this scaffolding that
conveniently happens to be there,

801
00:48:41,449 --> 00:48:44,165
pull myself up, and
the amazing thing is,

802
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:47,323
the billboard comes to life.

803
00:48:47,358 --> 00:48:50,119
So I leap out onto your shorts,

804
00:48:50,154 --> 00:48:55,234
pull them down, and you
have this humongous boner

805
00:48:55,269 --> 00:48:58,569
that extends halfway
across Times Square.

806
00:48:58,604 --> 00:49:03,043
So I climb out onto it to give you
a blow-job, and I'm hanging off it...

807
00:49:03,078 --> 00:49:07,500
doing my thing, when suddenly you shoot.

808
00:49:07,535 --> 00:49:11,332
Okay, it is like this exploding cascade

809
00:49:11,367 --> 00:49:15,995
and I ride it, and land safely

810
00:49:16,030 --> 00:49:18,434
in front of the Winter Garden Theatre

811
00:49:18,930 --> 00:49:20,425
where "Mamma Mia!" is playing.

812
00:49:22,133 --> 00:49:25,489
You're a very weird guy.

813
00:49:26,368 --> 00:49:28,605
You know what I think it means?

814
00:49:28,940 --> 00:49:31,501
For one thing, you're a
bigger-than-life person.

815
00:49:31,536 --> 00:49:32,421
Got it.

816
00:49:32,456 --> 00:49:35,406
And I guess, I'm afraid that...

817
00:49:35,506 --> 00:49:37,951
once the rest of the world sees you,

818
00:49:38,010 --> 00:49:41,771
I'll be just another face in the crowd.

819
00:49:50,941 --> 00:49:53,184
What did you do that for?

820
00:49:54,229 --> 00:49:56,429
'Cause I wanted to.

821
00:50:08,370 --> 00:50:09,457
Hey!

822
00:50:12,110 --> 00:50:13,840
What's up?

823
00:50:13,840 --> 00:50:16,381
Funny you should ask.

824
00:50:17,059 --> 00:50:18,741
Whoa!

825
00:50:18,776 --> 00:50:21,137
Is that a thing of beauty?

826
00:50:21,172 --> 00:50:24,058
Unh! And a joy forever.

827
00:50:39,206 --> 00:50:42,803
So that happy-time tea actually worked?

828
00:50:42,838 --> 00:50:44,628
Mmm, unlikely.

829
00:50:45,940 --> 00:50:48,502
Then whence the woody?

830
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:54,092
Let's just say that God
gave me a second chance.

831
00:50:55,226 --> 00:50:57,445
I don't want to blow it.

832
00:50:57,480 --> 00:51:01,909
But... you feel free to.

833
00:51:44,610 --> 00:51:46,600
Well?

834
00:51:47,110 --> 00:51:49,773
You sure you want my
opinion after the last time?

835
00:51:50,380 --> 00:51:53,892
Yeah, I wouldn't have asked
you to read it if I didn’t.

836
00:51:56,474 --> 00:51:58,989
Okay. Um...

837
00:51:59,024 --> 00:52:02,846
my honest opinion is...

838
00:52:03,381 --> 00:52:05,865
it's brilliant.

839
00:52:06,665 --> 00:52:09,364
I mean it.

840
00:52:09,837 --> 00:52:12,781
At first I was shocked
and even disgusted,

841
00:52:12,816 --> 00:52:15,370
that anyone would actually
want to be positive.

842
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:19,393
But somehow, by the end, I-I
really felt sorry for the guy...

843
00:52:20,281 --> 00:52:23,153
that he could be that lost...

844
00:52:24,080 --> 00:52:25,970
and alone.

845
00:52:30,733 --> 00:52:33,848
And it takes a pretty amazing writer...

846
00:52:33,883 --> 00:52:37,157
to be able to pull that off.

847
00:53:05,127 --> 00:53:06,912
So how was the trip to the mall?

848
00:53:09,306 --> 00:53:12,801
I splurged. I bought Hunter his jeans.

849
00:53:14,288 --> 00:53:18,127
And he got us something, a CD.

850
00:53:18,162 --> 00:53:19,876
Uh, not some rap crap.

851
00:53:19,911 --> 00:53:23,344
Now, now, dear. Mustn't criticize
the younger generation's music.

852
00:53:23,444 --> 00:53:24,401
Yeah.

853
00:53:34,533 --> 00:53:36,883
Not bad.

854
00:53:37,183 --> 00:53:40,183
Come on, you big lug,
waltz me around the room.

855
00:54:15,765 --> 00:54:19,160
You know what part of
your story I liked best?

856
00:54:19,190 --> 00:54:24,172
Hmm? What?

857
00:54:25,170 --> 00:54:30,475
The part where the gift-giver decides
not to sleep with the bug-chaser...

858
00:54:31,495 --> 00:54:34,508
and goes back to his partner.

859
00:56:52,191 --> 00:56:55,775
Moo!